Financial support in girlfriend.

[KeesM]

ok, didn't want to bring it up already but I see a lot of assumptions for, to me, unclear reason, so:
I have sent her money to buy a shop. 300.000 Baht. From here I cannot verify anything. But I trust her, so I believe she will have bought the shop. On her own name. Then she needed money for the trade goods. I sent another 150.000 Baht. (btw: I didn't have that, had to take a loan from the bank)
But apparently she can only use it as shop and not also as a house to live in. So she needs to stay with family. I was thinking they would try to help her as much as possible, but got the idea now that they are trying to make a big as possible profit from it, thinking that I am rich. But I won't accuse people until I know the truth, so maybe 7000 Baht is reasonable, I do not know. But I do know it's a lot of money which a normal Thai cannot make each month. For that money I suppose she gets food, sleeping place, use of the house, toilet, bathroom for her and her daughter. But maybe I understood it wrong, hopefully next saturday I can get more clear information.
1 more thing is, initially she would go sell fertiliser, but now she says she is selling rice. And her family had already a rice-shop in Phimai, so that makes me expect that she bought the rice from the family. Another point which makes me a little conspicious about the intentions of the family. All in all: I think she is ok, but I am not sure of the family.

1 other point: yes, I found her in a bar, but she is NOT the typical bargirl. According to the other bargirls, I have been her only customer. And 1 example you have here under your nose now: a normal bargirl wants you to buy a house. This one wanted me to buy a shop so she could make her own living! I have a lot more things experienced which pointed to this being an honest girl. I know I still could be wrong, only time will tell.
But no more "bartalk" please.

Well, while we are busy now, maybe I can put the next question already.
Suppose she indeed has to pay 7000 Baht each month to her family.  Then I want her to get out of there. She cannot earn that with the shop and for the next few years I cannot pay that. remember: first I have to pay off the bankloan:15000 Baht/month. And I am supporting people in India, i.e. I pay school for about 15 children.
Easiest would be when she could also use the shop as house. So the question is: is that allowed in Thailand? For what I understand it should be big enough to make 1 or 2 more rooms (has now 1 room and a toilet).
This of course also means: renting an appartment for 7000 Baht is also out of reach. Should indeed be near 3000-4000 Baht. I know a lot of them in Pattaya but have no idea whether some are available in Buriram for this price.

And last: thank you already for some very usefull information. I called her this morning and after some (confusing as usual  ) conversation, I think she understood that I would go look for someone who can teach her English, and she agreed. So first thing now: I an trying to make contact with a teacher.

[Vombatus]

I think I need to sleep on this before composing a considered response.

[Paddyram]

KeeM, before you get the 'you're being robbed responses' let me just say:
Thai people often sleep in their shops, depending on where the shop is.  Its common to live in, behind or over the shop.  Did you get to see a photo of the shop ?, you could see for yourself if it is suitable to live in.  But then again you can't blame her for wanting to stay with her family.
Everyone on this forum knows that Thai women with farangs are expected to give money to their families.  But I have never heard it described as paying to live with their family.  That sounds more like rent and that doesn't fit the normal family situation.  But as she comes from a Bar (no offence meant, I'm in the same boat) you will have to take over the payments she was making to her family if you don't want her to go back to Pattaya.  But as you have just purchased a shop and stocked it with goods, basically giving her a little business, then asking for an additional 7,000 baht a month, they seem a 'Grabby' bit to me.  What size family does she need to support ? .. and are you the first farang in the family ?, if so, how is the other one doing ?
In the end I hope it works out for you ... but just to let you know My wife was reading this last night with me and when I asked her what she tought ... she said hasip hasip (50/50) at best.  She also said that if you had to get a loan from your bank to give your girlfriend money, why didn't you tell her that it was a loan and not your mountains of expendible cash.  If she (or her family) thinks you are rich, then my wife's advice is tell her now that you are not.
How soon are you planning to go to Buriram ? The second time I went to Buriram to see my wife (then my girlfriend) I didn't let her know I was coming.  I turned up as a 'surprise', but really I was looking around for evidence of many male lodgers/or any obvious wastes of my money/did she f@#k off back to pattaya without telling me.  I didn't see anything suspicious and she was delighted that I surprised her.  I felt much more secure afterward.  Might be worth your while looking for cheap flights. 

[Paddyram]

Hope that helps ... BTW If you go on ANY Expat forum in Thailand and say that your girlfriend was a Bar Girl, but she is NOT the same as the rest, then you are inviting abuse from other members.  "but shes different" Those are famous last words in Thailand.

Also, for the record, when I met my wife first all the other dancers told me that she had just started work that week and I was her first.  That was Bullsh1t and I would guess that in your case it is Bullsh1t too, so I wouldn't put too much weight in that, it is just something that they say.  Eitherway, It doesn't matter, what matters now is what happens from now on.

[KeesM]

Hello Paddy,
let's skip the bar business for now. I will probably tell that later in another chat. I know all the stories.

So, I also know that families expect or at least try (most of the time?) to "rob" the farang. At first I was immediately suspicious about the family but in later days also got signs that it might be good people. Maybe there's still a good explanation for the 7000 Baht they ask. My conclusion about wanting to get her out of there then, was a bit to hasty. I first need more information. And that she rather wants to stay with family
instead of alone in her shop, I definitely can understand. I wouldn't mind if I could easily afford it, which is not the case. And, she knows that. I DID tell her I had to get a loan from the bank and she knows I have to pay that back monthly. We have first tried whether she could get a bankloan herself but that was impossible.
I have asked several time for pictures, but because of our communication problems I cannot explain how she can get it to me. But when I asked for the shop, the answer was:"You know shop Phimai? same, same."
The money she's paying is to my opinion for costs of living there. The people she really needs to support are a father in a village (mother died last year) who only gets little money from her, and a pregnant sister (seen her, so that's true) who will get a baby in 6-8 weeks. Already had a mis-birth once, so we agreed she better stopped working. But until now she lives in Phimai and wants to come to Buriram, so the costs will rise even more.
If I am the first farang in the family? Got the idea I was the first farang ever in her village near Phimai. Within no time I was surrounded by all the women of the village. They told me there had never been a farang there, well I certainly got that impression. Was about the same what has happened to me some times in India.
India is even much more worse than Thailand. So the feeling of being "robbed" is already for years quite common to me. So I may be quite new to Thailand, I am not that goodbelieving. I realize it can take years before I really know if I can trust her. But then: according to the stories I have heard, compared to those, if things would turn out wrong, I am not loosing that much money.

--------

to everybody:
administrators have a good reputation according to me. So I understand that my - not mentioned before - presumption that 5000 Baht/month is an amount of which a family can live in Thailand is to low nowadays?

Also, I get the idea that some people are regarding this as "buying a relationship". I rather would see that different. Initially I came to Thailand to just have some fun with girls and go back. A serious relation was NOT planned but life took an unexpected turn. It's easier for me to stick to the old plan: have fun, spend some money, go home. No responsibilities. But this girl I like very much and I want to help her. This is not: I pay, so you are mine. If it turns out to a fine ongoing relation, that would be very nice. If not, I will not regret the loss of my money, I will only see it as an expensive lesson, but still will have the idea I at least helped someone. (supposed she indeed did buy the shop) ((and another crack in my heart, of course.))

regards,
Kees  (to pronounce in English as "case")

[SEABY]

well I can see you are sucked in and in such a short time have wasted 500,000 baht this is 50 months at 10,000 per month until you work out if this relationship is true or you are one of many how these girls have two or three men who come at different times. You were worried about the 7,000 but fell for a shop and what experience she has to run it ?

I can tell you I know many who have done the same and the family take the stock and profit.

Any way it is good you have no more money as it will go as well.

I will say not all are like this and I may be wrong but the speed of this transaction I would say I am right and if wrong would love to buy you a beer or two when you are here.

[Prakhonchai Nick]

300,000bt to "buy" a shop and a further 150,000bt to stock it! Hmm. Not sure you could buy a shop for 300,000bt!

If the shop really exists, and the girl is unable to live there, she is presumably travelling to and fro each day from her parents home. Phimai. Now that is some fair distance -probably 1 hour by car, and at least double that using public transport. Do you really believe she is doing that trip every day?

Might I suggest you find out the exact location of the shop, and perhaps one or more of the Buriram sleuths can go take a look, and see if it really exists. i HAVE MY DOUBTS!

I have been here longer than most, seen it all,  and there is much in your posts that ring alarm bells. SORRY.

[den Buut]

PM send

[Really?]

300,000bt to "buy" a shop and a further 150,000bt to stock it! Hmm. Not sure you could buy a shop for 300,000bt!

If the shop really exists, and the girl is unable to live there, she is presumably travelling to and fro each day from her parents home. Phimai. Now that is some fair distance -probably 1 hour by car, and at least double that using public transport. Do you really believe she is doing that trip every day?

Might I suggest you find out the exact location of the shop, and perhaps one or more of the Buriram sleuths can go take a look, and see if it really exists. i HAVE MY DOUBTS!

I have been here longer than most, seen it all,  and there is much in your posts that ring alarm bells. SORRY.

Things certainly don't add up. Or should I say they add up to too much.

[fox]

Investing too fast and too much is never a good idea.
I hope its a true love you got there, I'm with the other members here saying there are alarms and red color all over your story but who are we to judge love of people we really don't know.
I wish you best luck with it and it will be very interesting to hear more about how this story ends/develops.

[Vombatus]

Send in Sherlock to confirm the facts.

[SEABY]

the facts are the facts and you have to realize this you spend enough money for her to live for 4 years on an idea this business will work ? I have to say you lost your money but it is not her fault it is yours for falling for it you should ahve asked before you sent it and I f I am wrong again I will buy you a few beers but i am sure I am not !

[nookiebear]

Sorry mate but you've been rolled over big style,,,,,,,,You are one of the 'greenest' guys I've heard about for quite some time,,,,,,,Just one question does she have a 'brother'?

[SEABY]

you would think these guys would be smart enough to check here first before just handing out the money for the record if you think of doing what Kees has done donate to this site for a party you will get more for your money and great advice

[Prakhonchai Nick]

Once Kees finds an English teacher (female) for his tirac, and she has had a few lessons, she might be able to tell him where the money has gone!