Thai culture vs Farang culture.

[Dave the Dude]

Well it is 5am Ray!

what do you expect?

[Prakhonchai Nick]

5am, 6am does not make much difference.

CoCo constantly leads me astray, where my money disappears.

Pattaya, Surin Phnom Penh, Siem Reap, Mucky Street -to name a few!

[Vombatus]

I have always considered myself to be a follower, rather than a leader.


Pattaya is no different 

[Dave the Dude]

So Nick leads you astray then?

[Prakhonchai Nick]

I have to watch CoCo. He has a tendency to stroll off alone on Jomtien beach at night. Dangerous!

[Prakhonchai Nick]

I have always considered myself to be a follower, rather than a leader.


Pattaya is no different 

No different indeed CoCo.

Problem is it's who you follow, especially in Jomtien.

[manupete]

Wow, that's a sick relationship IMHO, but if you are happy this way just ignore my comment, ignore it anyway.

I think that a bit harsh saying that to a member. We all have different needs and others should not criticize should they, Alan.
 
Whilst I admire your honesty,Alan, I think its best not to pubicise that your good wife undertakes actions that are illegal in Thai culture. Afterall, it would not be
sensible to discuss who takes what drugs/fiddles with kids for instance (i use those as an examples only, with no implications to the poster)

You have admitted on many occasions that your wife gambles  on so I guess you can understand my plight more than others. It would be quite easy for me to post on forums how wonderful life here is in Thailand ,what a great family I have but as other members know that isn't always the case.For me the good out weighs the bad so I stay .If all members would be honest why they have married Thai women maybe that's a start.Some seem to make out we( westerners) are so good and Thai man are so bad that Thai women should be grateful they have a farang to take care.The way some guys out here treat they wives is outrageous and would never be tolerated in the west and maybe that is why they are here.As Nick said "Thais and farangs will never really understand each other" ,so why do we marry these girls Answers on a postcard please 

[aparasher]

It has been quite good read so far. As I may have mentioned earlier, my wife lives in Prakhonchai and is a teacher. I never felt outside the Thai circle. We have a few close friends most of whom are teachers and we all go out like we do here in Aus. My wife keeps herself away from her mother's circle. Her mother has her own income and goes to most of the weddings. So, there are 2 different social circles in the house but both live happily together without disturbing each other and I get best of both of them. I am pampered by old women and humoured/flirted by younger ones. I was always felt like a part of group and was never felt alienated.

A few things I find different are:

1. Laziness - As I have noticed most of Thai people like to do hard work only if there is a dire need. For example. When my wife was here in Melbourne, we would walk everywhere and she never complained. But, she would never walk in Thailand. I told her to walk from home to school which is around 1.5 km, but everyone started asking her and tried to giver her lift as soon as she reached 50 meters. Similarly, she bought some exercise machine that is just sitting there.

2. Interference in others' lives - People love to gossip and anyone's business is everyone business. This could be good sometimes, but comes to bite back in most of the cases.

3. Restrictions on women - Single woman can not go out of house alone in odd hours. I have seen men sitting outside there houses almost on the footpath and will give a look even when the woman is with you. My wife was quite taken aback when she saw girls walking alone in streets late at night in Melbourne.

4. Restrictions due to farang husband - You have to upkeep your face value. For example - The school asked wife to go to Bangkok for a conference and pay for her accommodation etc which will be reimbursed later whereas other teachers were paid for this. Only reason she was told was that she has a farang husband and can afford to pay for it in advance. Similarly, you are expected to show some sort of extravagance as you have farang husband.

[Prakhonchai Nick]

Any problems such as those outlined by aprasher need to be nipped in the bud.

My wife and I were only talking this morning about the farangs perceived wealth. Of course I have more money than my village neighbours who are either farmers or work on building sites (in between return trips home for weddings, funerals etc!). But we come to Thailand intent on living similar lifestyles to that which we enjoyed -or tried to enjoy -in our home countries. Nice homes, occasional meals out in restaurants, holidays etc. Once this is provided for + decent food at home and care and schooling for our kids, and healthcare insurance for the family, what income we have is gone. We could live on just a few thousand baht a month like the Thais, but why should we, and if we were to be aware of that in advance of our coming to thailand, we probably would never have come.

[aparasher]

Nick. You are spot on with your comments about people who live there. Same goes for people who live in farang land and wife in Thailand. The cost of life is more in Aus plus mortgage and on top of that I have to pay for 3-4 trips to Thailand each year and at least 2 trips for wife to come here.

Fortunately, wife or her mother never asked for any money and is happy to live in her measly income and we will have a baby soon too.

But, you are right about the perception of Thai people about farang and I believe they are happy with their illusions.

[rufusredtail]

Well i am amazed at the replies prakhon chai nick , manupete, and especially mike, each time i learn something about the Thais, it seems that most have a very good  relationship with there wives,happy, if i could have one thing in life it would be happiness, interesting comment that may be Thai woman would prefer a Thai man if he had money, i am not sure about this , from taking to many girls in Thailand , often you hear that  husband   a butterfly , gone off with a younger lady, happens a lot , not to say that in western this does not happen , it does , but seems to happen much more in Thai relationships. 

[aparasher]

A good point, Yes. Thai women would love to have a Thai man if he was faithful. And, in many cases it happens too. Do you think all Thai men cheat? But, you have to also understand that it is hard to stay faithful when there are so many beautiful "available" women. These women don't care if you already have a wife. Most of uneducated men prefer to find another young thing when the responsibility of baby falls on them. In case of educated men, there are always girl friends eager to please. In case of wealthy ones, there are mia noi.

Apart from this, another thing is that Thai men prefer to be the rulers/pampered pooches in the house. They want women to do everything for them just by lifting their finger. That is why you would see girls in the habit of giving you tissues, wiping your sweat when you are eating and feeding you.

Thai women are brought up to be very feminine. When these women see farang men helping out at home and being romantic with their wives and treating them like human beings, they feel gravitated towards them. And of course, there is money factor too.

[rufusredtail]

You are probably right, i lived in England for 5 years , and they treat there wimmen with a lot of respect, in Australia can be different , i was married for 20wonderfull years,  to a country girl , only to have her die right beside me in bed , really shook me , i didn't want to go out , date anyone, at all , then my mate asked me to go to Thailand with his family , so i took him up on the offer, took my son , whilst in a part of Thailand i meet a lady, took her out to dinner a few times , and one thing lead to another , now been back to Thailand 16 times in 5 years , want to get married but it puts me off hearing all what goes on , between farang and Thai , my girl has been here Australia , for 3 months and coming again soon for 6, i treat her well , as i did my first wife , it bothers me some extent how keen they are about money, i suppose its in there culture, they have been bought up to account for every baht, not to spend , but underneath it all you find this caring nature which i have not experienced before, so what to do , its a mystery  

[aparasher]

Well. Its great that your girl knows the value of money, not only her's, but your's too.

What you hear are mostly stories of bar girls who want to make money. And, in most of the cases it's not their fault too. They are in the game to make money so that can support their family and/or save enough for their retirement. This is Thailand and there is no social security. If you don't have money, then you are worse than soi dog. These girls are victim of the system and they try to survive the best way they can.

In summary, you need to be careful and take same precautions that you would take in any other relationship. Get a pre-nup, make sure your woman does right thing by you. Keep her tight, but with respect. You are more experienced and know more than me.

Chok dee khrap.

[Starman]

A good point, Yes. Thai women would love to have a Thai man if he was faithful. And, in many cases it happens too. Do you think all Thai men cheat? But, you have to also understand that it is hard to stay faithful when there are so many beautiful "available" women. These women don't care if you already have a wife. Most of uneducated men prefer to find another young thing when the responsibility of baby falls on them. In case of educated men, there are always girl friends eager to please. In case of wealthy ones, there are mia noi.

Apart from this, another thing is that Thai men prefer to be the rulers/pampered pooches in the house. They want women to do everything for them just by lifting their finger. That is why you would see girls in the habit of giving you tissues, wiping your sweat when you are eating and feeding you.

Thai women are brought up to be very feminine. When these women see farang men helping out at home and being romantic with their wives and treating them like human beings, they feel gravitated towards them. And of course, there is money factor too.

Spot on.

13 years ago I had a little chat with a teacher at the school where I was teaching. I was only 28 years old and I was single.

This teacher, an elder woman, told me to take my time if I were to get a Gf. She told me that I would have many women to choose from. I asked why and she told me.

Money was never mentioned. She told me that Thai women were generally put down by their husbands. Only washing, cleaning etc etc.
She said that Thai men don't show any affection.

Then came the subject of manners. Thai ladies like the idea of having doors held open for them. For the man to carry the shopping to the car at the supermarket. The whole "ladies first" attitude.
It was also mentioned that it was less likely for a western man to take on a mistress.

I obviously listened. I have now been with my wife for 11 years.

And before anyone asks....Yes. Of course we argue and shout every now and then. Keeps me on my toes. And the "sorry" bit can be quite nice too.