Thai culture vs Farang culture.

[rufusredtail]

Nice one admin, i was thinking how to bring it up as a post , many of  you say that you dont fit in , explain , why, you dont feel right or you stand out , you feel uncomfortable , what is it , some say they dont attend funerals , weddings anymore, keep to themselves , be intersted to know if its not to personal , your experiences would help ,  i myself have felt out of place a few times , i dont speak Thai,only a few words , so come on chaps , lets get to the REAL reason why you feel out of place   

[Prakhonchai Nick]

The one main thing I have learnt over the 25 years I have been in Thailand is that Thai's in general do not like farangs. They put up with us and of course like our money. But we can rarely "gel" with them. Even speaking the language does not seem to help too much

When it comes to weddings and funerals, I suppose we find it difficult to accept their way of doing things. it is so different to what we are used to in the west.  Funerals where they seem happy, drink, gamble and sometimes have live music with dancing girls. Weddings where the reception is held whilst the bride and groom are doing the marriage thing, only to find most of the "guests" have gone when they emerge (and all the bottles of whisky have gone too!). These things niggle me -and others too - so much that we prefer to avoid these events. There are many other events too -all tied up with the wat and the monks, many farangs seeing this as nothing more than making the Thais part with the money they mainly don't have.

But Thailand in general makes up for all these things. The weather, the beer, the girls, cost of living, and -did I mention - the girls?

My wife does her thing with the wat and monks along with all the villagers, but she respects my views as I do hers, and she is quite happy for me not to attend.   Had a friend who was stabbed because he refused to go to the wat with his wife (now ex). Be open with your wife/partner, let her do her thing and you do yours and everything can be good.

There is also a tendency to see that massive improvements could be made to the way Thais do things. But they don't welcome our advice, and I have learnt over time to just let them get on with it. It's their problem and does not directly concern the farang.

[den Buut]

Well spoken Nick, enjoy the nice things and just accept the rest and if the wife  accepts your differences it will make life only easier, probably for the both of you.

[manupete]

Top post Nick,can't disagree with anything.
My marriage it not a conventional one,we have had problems but always seem to come though.My wife doesn't have the Watt but she has gambling ( which is no secret) .She off working now to earn enough money to come back a gamble some more. I am given a free range to do as I like under the condition no girls stay in our house.
It makes me laugh when I hear how these guys first come to the villages and the small town and say how nice the people are,but the fact is the average Thais don't like us farang and given the choice most Thai girls would marry a Thai man with money than a western any day of the week.As I said in another thread ,most marriages are sham compared to a western marriage but for many guys it suits there lifestyle.I lived in Thailand for 3 single years before I married and as I was under 50 I got married because it made staying in Thailand easier for me,I was never loved up like some of the guys are( though I do like and care about my wife )  and could have split with my wife many times ( always over her gambling ) but I say "better the devil you know than the devil you don't".The good things seem to out weigh the bad things for me 
I don't feel out of place in our village but what does piss me off is when I'm in the local shops and they start talking about you as if your not there or in the third person.I don't mind being call a farang if people don't know me but I find it rude if locals call me farang when I know them and I know they know my name.I tried to explain to some of the locals that I don't call them Asians all the time so why do they call me farang" they said "its because you are a farang " 

[den Buut]

Top post Nick,can't disagree with anything.
My marriage it not a conventional one,we have had problems but always seem to come though.My wife doesn't have the Watt but she has gambling ( which is no secret) .She off working now to earn enough money to come back a gamble some more. I am given a free range to do as I like under the condition no girls stay in our house.
It makes me laugh when I hear how these guys first come to the villages and the small town and say how nice the people are,but the fact is the average Thais don't like us farang and given the choice most Thai girls would marry a Thai man with money than a western any day of the week.As I said in another thread ,most marriages are sham compared to a western marriage but for many guys it suits there lifestyle.I lived in Thailand for 3 single years before I married and as I was under 50 I got married because it made staying in Thailand easier for me,I was never loved up like some of the guys are( though I do like and care about my wife )  and could have split with my wife many times ( always over her gambling ) but I say "better the devil you know than the devil you don't".The good things seem to out weigh the bad things for me 
I don't feel out of place in our village but what does piss me off is when I'm in the local shops and they start talking about you as if your not there or in the third person.I don't mind being call a farang if people don't know me but I find it rude if locals call me farang when I know them and I know they know my name.I tried to explain to some of the locals that I don't call them Asians all the time so why do they call me farang" they said "its because you are a farang " 

Wow, that's a sick relationship IMHO, but if you are happy this way just ignore my comment, ignore it anyway.

[manupete]

Wow, that's a sick relationship IMHO, but if you are happy this way just ignore my comment, ignore it anyway.

I will and if you know I would so why did you make it the first place 

There are al sorts of relationships and this one suits me and her now,If I had a problem with it i would have stayed silent. I seen guys come to Thailand ,build a big house and lose the lot.When me and my wife are together we have fun and are happy,she likes gambling and as I wont pay for it she goes working to fund her addicting.It takes al sorts to make the world go round and I hope one day she will stop but until then needs must. 

[den Buut]

Oke, but in a normal relationship you would help her to quit, an addiction, any addiction, destroys people, if not, it's a hobby. I guess you just like your side of the agreement.

[manupete]

Oke, but in a normal relationship you would help her to quit, an addiction, any addiction, destroys people, if not, it's a hobby. I guess you just like your side of the agreement.

PM sent as we are getting off topic 

[mike]

Hmmm, this is a very interesting topic and this is my view on things.

Thai culture is Thai culture and Western culture is Western culture and never the two will meet.

Pretty obvious yeah ?

But what counts is not that they are different, but that one learns to accept and live with the difference. Not just the Farang, but the Thai partner too.

Here are some examples from both mine and wife’s point of view regarding the differences in culture that we have observed, this post is getting a bit long so if you start getting bored with my drivel just skip to the next one.
 
All of my wife’s family calls me “Farang” (even to my face) except for two people, her son (12 years old) and her 4 year old niece. Why ? Well I can deduce from this that the young ones see me as Mike and not a “Farang” as this is how they have been raised and have not been conditioned by the Thai culture in this respect.

We live in Europe (France) and when we go to friends for dinner or out to a restaurant she accepts the fact that she has to cut her food with a knife. The first time this happened (basically she could not use the knife properly) I had to explain to our friends that in Thailand it is not normal to eat with a knife and fork, but with a spoon and fork.

She was horrified when she saw me doing that kissing thing the French do to the wife of  a mate. Could you imagine me doing that to all of her Friends in Thailand? – I could but I guess I would get into trouble if I did that in Thailand.
 
My wife works, she cannot get over the fact that people only work 35 hours a week, have 5 weeks holiday, plus bank holidays and 3 weeks sick leave paid etc etc etc …… Obviously she accepts the difference but questions why do people not work more (when they can) ?

My first Thai wedding (well not mine but a friend of my wife’s) started at daybreak and finished sometime into the next year - or that’s what it seemed like. Anyway drinking Whiskey at 7.00am is not really my cup of tea, but what the hell, I went with the flow – pun intended. 

We went to my daughters for Christmas last year. All the time leading up to Christmas morning my wife was saying, “Why can’t we open our presents now”. “Because it’s not done like that” I say. “Strange” she says.

Both sides need to accept the cultural differences for any chance of the relationship to work.

Finally a bit about our relationship, after reading several comments over several boards about  Farang-Thai marriages (or partnerships) I feel now is the appropriate time to "come out" as they say.

It’s bloody great, from my perspective, and also (and I really believe this (I guess some of you will think mug, but I don’t give a monkeys what anyone else thinks – I could be pushed into explain why I don’t give a monkeys, but it should be pretty obvious)) I believe is it bloody great from my wife’s point of view.

We never argue, we never disagree, if I want to do something, that’s great and vice-versa. As I said before she works, saves her money (spends mine – joke) so she can build a house (for us) in Thailand for when we (eventually) come to live there full time.

OK – we cannot have deep discussions about the political situation in Outer Mongolia or the price of gherkins in France or any other stuff that you (well me at least) wouldn’t want to talk about to a Western wife either.

But we do talk about and discuss the really important things that affect the both of us for now and in the long term (like when we take our holiday, what kind of bathroom we want in our new house).

Cheers

Mike

[Dave the Dude]

Wow, that's a sick relationship IMHO, but if you are happy this way just ignore my comment, ignore it anyway.

I think that a bit harsh saying that to a member. We all have different needs and others should not criticize should they, Alan.
 
Whilst I admire your honesty,Alan, I think its best not to pubicise that your good wife undertakes actions that are illegal in Thai culture. Afterall, it would not be
sensible to discuss who takes what drugs/fiddles with kids for instance (i use those as an examples only, with no implications to the poster) 

[Prakhonchai Nick]

A very good post from Mike. I can see many similarities there with my wife, particularly with regard to presents. I had to laugh regarding the knife, and spoon/fork food eating. You were lucky she did not want to eat with her fingers as so many do in the village!

Manupete suggests the girls would always prefer a rich Thai to a farang. I am not sure that is true -certainly not in my case and many that I have heard of. My wife was adamant that she never wanted a Thai man and can relate many horror stories of local girls with Thai boyfriends and husbands. That's not to say we farang are perfect -no way - but by and large we are better. Relationships don't always work, but I don't know of any farang that has just run away leaving the wife and kids destitute.

For anyone entering into a new relationship with a Thai girl, I always suggest they "set out their stall" at the beginning, before anything serious develops. I did - on day 1, without any thoughts of anything developing. I merely indicated that if I should one day remarry (I did have a previous Thai wife -disaster!), I would not have a village wedding party, no monks, no dowry, and that I would not be an ATM to all her family.  My responsibilities would lay with her and our family. The relationship did develop, we have been together nearly 13 years, and she never forgot my initial terms. She has a smallish monthly allowance, and that is hers to do with as she pleases.  (Think her bank account is bigger than mine!)

Thais and farangs will never really understand each other. Just meet halfway, give and take, don't criticise and you have the foundation for something good.

[Vombatus]

 She has a smallish monthly allowance, and that is hers to do with as she pleases.  (Think her bank account is bigger than mine!)

Could this be because she doesn't go to Pattaya or drink Jamesons ??

[Dave the Dude]

 She has a smallish monthly allowance, and that is hers to do with as she pleases.  (Think her bank account is bigger than mine!)

Could this be because she doesn't go to Pattaya or drink Jamesons ??

Or hang around with you! LOL!

[Vombatus]

Thais and farangs will never really understand each other. Just meet halfway, give and take, don't criticise and you have the foundation for something good.

These 25 words sum up everything about how to succeed in Thailand.


(You could also substitute Thai and Farang for Men and Women)

A wise old friend once told me that relationships would be far more successful if men lived with men and went out and met women for sex.

He had a point.

[Vombatus]

 She has a smallish monthly allowance, and that is hers to do with as she pleases.  (Think her bank account is bigger than mine!)

Could this be because she doesn't go to Pattaya or drink Jamesons ??

Or hang around with you! LOL!

Now you're talking bollocks David !!