SIN SOD question. How much?

[manupete]

It's not all doom & gloom.

Quite right it,s not all doom and gloom but we wouldn't be tell the true if we didn't tell the bad side of things that can happen. Most marriages that do fail are normally because of cultural differences,keep your western head on and don't bend to the changes and relationships will fall.Coming back to the OP,I didn't pay a Sin Sod as I live here and built a house.Expecting to pay a Sin Sod and build a house is a double whammy that nobody should do .If I had been taking the wife to go and live in the UK then maybe a small Sin Sod would have been paid out of respect to the parents.I know one guy that paid a Sin Sod and his wife didn't even have any parents alive. I wonder where that money went     .......................

[Vombatus]

Although I have heard that a second marriage is sinsod free - my wife disputes this. A 2nd marriage is occurring in my village -both Thais - and a large sinsod has been demanded.

Nevertheless, I do not agree with sinsods,  and with 2 Thai marriages under my belt (both amphur registrations only) I have not paid a baht!, It did help that when I first met my 2nd wife, and just talking about life in general, with no thoughts of a relationship developing, (basically because I was far to old for her!) I said that if I ever remarried, there would be no sinsod, no village wedding and no monks.          She never forgot what I said, and never even asked for these. Best to put your cards on the table from the very beginning!   

I'm still far too old for her (even though she's getting on a bit!) but we've been together 13 years, and all is fine!. Perhaps though time for a trade in! 

Yes, she must be ready for a younger model ! 

[Prakhonchai Nick]

the bloke that goes to work overseas for a few months for some nice pay also hopes the misses stays "pure" ...

And the misses hopes the bloke stays "pure" 

Also the Mrs hopes the bloke neither returns unexpectedly or unannounced!

[kiwijack]

I agree 100% that cross cultural marriages, & especially those ( like F & Ts ) that have a bigger age difference, are fraught with issues & possibly more prone to failures, though same same marriages aren't very successful either statistically.
Any marriage, anywhere, where material gain is the only motivation is likely doomed.

Like you say, being flexible & aware of the cultural differences is a must but often difficult to reconcile with.

Sin sod is one such cultural aspect that is difficult for some to accept but it is no different to touching heads or using feet etc etc & in my opinion should be respected. 
The simple solution is to negotiate to get it back after the wedding .. a win win outcome. If you can't, & don't want to pay, then it's up to you ( to coin a phrase )

The house/land issue is a different one in that we can't legally own it so like said earlier, only put in what u are comfortable with losing .
My beef is only with the pessimistic generalisations... the 2 sides is more realistic .
Don't really know how to predict the future unfortunately but can live with it.

[Prakhonchai Nick]

Your wife is correct Nick. I know a few Thais who have remarried and paid Sin-sot. Sometimes the second Sin-sot can be be more than the one paid first time. It all boils down to how much one can afford. With most, the Sin-sot is returned, to the groom,after the ceremony.

10 years in Isaan and I have NEVER seen sinsod repaid after the ceremony. The mothers want it to pay off their gambling loans!

[Prakhonchai Nick]

Yes, she must be ready for a younger model ! 

At least there is only one of me! 

[ducati05]

Bobb as you can see there are some strong thoughts on Farang Thai marriages, some guys have lived here a long time
and seen what can go wrong but in the end if you can't have some trust in your Mrs you might as well either leave or stay seated on that bar stool down at Pattaya. I believe trust has to be earned, both ways, as most I have had the dirty done on me by western women as well but I'm not going to punish my Thai wife for it, I have the attitude that if it all turns to shite there is a Million more out there..       The only problem is will I live long enough to try them all...

[Prakhonchai Nick]

I have the attitude that if it all turns to shite there is a Million more out there..       The only problem is will I live long enough to try them all...

I'll help you. Then that's half a million each!

Don't let Nookie play!

[den Buut]

Glad I never heard of Sin Sod till yesterday when you all started about this and I'm marriedn for almost 11 years. 

[Pee Nuu]

what you have and what they may gain

I think that sums up why Thai-ladies want to marry a westerner in the first place.If you was to ask any Thai lady to be honest"If she had an option of either marrying a rich Thai or a rich westerner "The Thai would win hands down.
Coming back to Pragmatic post ( ) and Village mentality,I was told by local Thais that all Thai women that have a farang husbands meet them whilst working in the sex industry as that is the only place to meet farangs.( I was told by a Thai so it must be true    )Jealously ,hatred and gossip are riff in the villages, to be honest who gives a fook what other locals think,As I have said before " I haven't come to Isaan to win a popularity contest with the local Villagers".I'm nice to all the locals,Do they talk about us behind our back .Who cares.

Simply. They don't care for Thai guys.....all the obvious reasons.

[Pee Nuu]

It's not all doom & gloom.

Quite right it,s not all doom and gloom but we wouldn't be tell the true if we didn't tell the bad side of things that can happen. Most marriages that do fail are normally because of cultural differences,keep your western head on and don't bend to the changes and relationships will fall.Coming back to the OP,I didn't pay a Sin Sod as I live here and built a house.Expecting to pay a Sin Sod and build a house is a double whammy that nobody should do .If I had been taking the wife to go and live in the UK then maybe a small Sin Sod would have been paid out of respect to the parents.I know one guy that paid a Sin Sod and his wife didn't even have any parents alive. I wonder where that money went     .......................

Sometimes a house and the expected future security is enough. No sin sod is foregoing.

[Prakhonchai Nick]

It's enough for the girl, but it's the mothers that want the money!

[Pee Nuu]

It's enough for the girl, but it's the mothers that want the money!

Again nicky, these {set in stone} factors are not all the same.

[isanbirder]

Two sides to this question:-

very often it's just for show, and indeed the bride's family may lend the money.

if it's the prospective husband's money, I would say, Beware!  Daughters can be sold as prostitutes, or they can be sold for a bride-price... the difference is mainly in the terminology.

[Prakhonchai Nick]

I can only speak of what I have seen in my village and neighbouring villages.  Not once has sin sod been returned in 10 years.