Friend needs help

[boloa]

Hi ,I know there are a few board members that know me on here so I have come on here to ask for some help for a fiend of mine,all advice would be welcome.
This is the problem 
 He have been keeping a secret in his life for so long now (married for just over one year , in relationship for almost three years), and he is desperate  for some help.

You see, he married to an abusive Thai wife.  When I say abusive, its mainly emotionally (she finds no problem with calling him Farang Kii Nok  or stupid), but also the biggest problem is  physically.  The reason I'm posting to you now is that he had a huge fight on Wednesday night, which resulted in the following:

He was half asleep in his  bedroom after a verbal argument, to which she walked in, started abusing him again, and then proceeded to attack him, kicking and punching him on the floor, in the genitals, in the head and to his back.

Punches to the head were so bad he had lumps under his hair, and cant really brush it, a large bruise on his forehead, which he has had to blame on a swinging door as an excuse to his  mates at a local Bar, and a kick to the neck/upper back when he was on the floor, which has resulted in some serious back and neck pain for which he will have to see a Chiropractor about this afternoon at Surin Hospital .

For reasons that I cannot explain, and his wife refuses to answer, she then kicked him out of the house on Wednesday  night with basically the clothes on his back, and some clothes for yesterday (minus socks, undies and under shirt).  At this stage he was pretty upset about the whole thing, and told her he wanted out of the marriage, after which she then took all his keys, gave him back his Honda wave  key, and kicked him out of the house.  As a result of sleeping in 150 Baht hotel, his back and neck got worse than what it was after the kick to it, hence that's why he's  in so much pain.

He really don't know what to do.  He's tried to talk to his mates about it at the local bar  , but they just laugh it off saying he is  a wimp and should be man of the house, that the arguments are his fault and he should learn how to speak to his wife, basically it's a mans world and therefore its his fault this is happening. That's when he came to see me . I don't agree with what the guys are saying at the bar , I know he is trying to change what is going on.  It's was his  first wedding anniversary last weekend, of which he arranged for them to  stay in a wonderful hotel with champagne and the full works, and all the guys in the Bar could say was he was a crawler and was just afraid of his wife

So that you are aware, his wife is going through treatment for depression at the moment, which I think will be found to be Bi Polar and she drinks up to 2 bottles of  Baileys  in one night, which is apparently to help her sleep.  Without a job and sitting at home all day drinking,sleeping,gambling   and watching TV , I wouldn't be able to sleep either at night , yet discussions about her getting a job etc always come back to why she cant do the work etc as she is the wife of a farang and it would look bad on her .  There is a hell of a lot of stress that comes his way because of this also, his small pension goes to paying bills,food etc, and then they  have very little money left as he have just finished building them a nice house on her Mum's land , especially not for up to 14 bottles of baileys per week!
He was always bought up to not hit women and he refuse to do so.  When he got kicked in the balls and then  on Wednesday night he retaliated slightly and kicked his  wife in the shin and  this was then used against him last night when he was saying he  had a bad back and lumps all over his head, all I got back from his wife  was "well my shin is sore as well".
Please, if you have any advice, he really doesn't want to be divorced after only a year of marriage and after spending 1.5 mill on a new house, but there is only so much he can bear, and I really worried he is  almost there.He is Broken, Beat and Scared

All advice would be welcome
Thanks
boloa
 

[isanbirder]

There's only one way out of that... run before she takes a knife to him.  It wouldn't be the first time it's happened in LOS.

[boloa]

There's only one way out of that... run before she takes a knife to him.  It wouldn't be the first time it's happened in LOS.

Yes Mike ,I know a guy in Koh Samui and in an argument his wife hit him with a Meat Clever ,he wrapped his arm in a towel and on the way to the hospital on his motorbike be blacked out through loss of blood and then broke his leg in 3 places.Lucky for him a passing motorist took him to the Hospital and he survived .The crazy thing was 4 weeks later they were back together,but was it love or the thought of losing the house he had just bought in her name?
This may be partly why my friend doesn't want to divorce his wife maybe?
Is it worth dying for a few mill I asked him ?
He said" What have I got to go back to UK too,I've spent all my money here" !!!!!

[Admin]

Whats the question here? He should leave her.

If she beats him so hard in a systematic way, it can't be called 'Love'.

What kind of women or men are beating up their partner? 

He should leave her and maybe even Thailand if financially he can't be here after leaving her.

[isanbirder]

He's still got his pension, his life, and his balls.  Not a nice choice to make... but I seriously don't see any other options.

[boloa]

Whats the question here? He should leave her.

If she beats him so hard in a systematic way, it can't be called 'Love'.

What kind of women or men are beating up their partner? 

He should leave her and maybe even Thailand if financially he can't be here after leaving her.

#1 Whats the question here? He should leave her.
I think the question is does anybody have any advice for my friend

#2 If she beats him so hard in a systematic way, it can't be called 'Love'.
When i was married in the UK,my wife had a friend that husband would beat here regulary,When I asked her why she didn't leave him she said " Because she loved him "

#3.What kind of women or man beat up their partner?
I believe many people do,one women in our village has had a black eye ,split lip and a broken arm and is still with her husband.I'm sure many people know of married couples that fight and that are still together.

#4 He should leave her and maybe even Thailand if financially he can't be here after leaving her.
Maybe why many people in destructive relationship stay together is because of dependency ,financially and emotionally 

[Adam]

Hi guys

I fear as the others have said, he has only one option - leave her before something worse happens.

There are never happy endings in abusive relationships and he cannot go to the law as we all know they will almost certainly side with the wife.

Without knowing him, but from what you have posted, get out and try to start again.

Sorry to be so negative

Adam

[International Bar]

theres only one way out in my mind can not say any more than that,good luck and take a chance old boy

[isanbirder]

Outsiders can only give the commonsense answer:  get out with as much as he can salvage.  Would you sleep easily in a house, let alone a bed, with a woman who you knew was liable to use violence on you at any time?

[boloa]

I think most of you are right, he should get out.Something I have never told him but she always seemed a bit cold towards him and she started getting argumentative more once the house was finished.Looks like she could be getting a nice house for 4 years work.!!!!!

[tonypace01]

Agreed. Advice to your friend: GET OUT! And on the way out, set the house on fire. Beg, borrow, or steal to get yourself back to England and rebuild your life. Make out a will leaving her one pound and the rest of your assets to your family. This will protect your estate against a lawsuit, I think. Check with your solicitor. (Send her a copy just for laughs.)

Your current anxiety is that you may have to spend the rest of your life alone.Loneliness can be a bitch, but only the dead never suffer from loneliness. The rest of your life with her, however, may not exceed 24 hours. And when you start receiving those letters and e-mails that beg and plead and swear it will never happen again, totally ignore them. They are a trap. The cemeteries have a hefty population of victims of spousal  abuse who were hopeful and forgiving. There are only two cures for spousal abuse within the marriage, old age and death. By not taking any action, by not fighting back, you have already signalled her that she can continue doing this impunity, even if she has to take a couple of weeks hiatus now and then.

Your concern is that you have  been married only one year. My reaction was, "Wow, under those circumstances he has stayed married a whole year? How many years before he wakes up?"

Your reaction to our responses is probably, "But they don't really know her." A more desperate truth is that you don't really know her... or you.

Good luck to you and believe nothing but what will keep you alive and safe.

[Paddyram]

Sorry for being cold, but it seems like she was only hanging in there for the house to be completed.
I heard that Sebestian in Issan Lawyers can be helpful on the legal side of these things.
Isaan Lawyers [isaanlawyers@gmail.com] might be worth a try if he is to salvage anything from a divorce, But to stay married is more than foolish in my view it would be suicidal.

[ldf]

great advice tonypace01 - couldn't agree with you more.

boloa - if it means anything, i have male friends who have been in similar situations - farang and thai alike.  all have been afraid to leave their significant others - the thais having more social pressure to stay (family alliances, children, etc).  a farang friend of mine was in a similar situation, his gf at the time drinking heavily and gambling consistently. she eventually stabbed him because he refused to give her money one day to gamble.  for those of you with friends that are police out there, i'm sure you know of similar stories. possibly many.

there is no shame on his part in what has occurred - i suspect he is not the first man she has done this to.

his wellbeing and safety are more important than perceived comfort, for even that comfort, in time will pass.  living in daily fear of emotional and physical outbursts is not comfortable and in time may lead to diminishing health/stress related issues in addition to the obvious risks to his mental and physical health.

give him the support he needs  - and disregard the guys at the bar who don't want to get involved. you can't bully or plead for your signifigant other's respect. some people are just unable to give it.

[nanyouth]

Hi...
Just few questions if you don't mind
Did your friend find a way out right now?
Does he live in Buriram ( city)
I might be meet him and talk about his case I am sure to find a way out.
If he is ok just contact me for a first meeting.
Have a great day anyway
Patrick

[Dave the Dude]

If this story is true,Alan why have you not posted it on the forum that you help run and on which you are a prolofic poster.