A Naive Expat in Thailand

[maraudingscot]

 

lol  I have enjoyed reading these posts, and as I have said already to TBWG I will be in Satuk end of March 2010, so will look forward to seeing "unusual" outlines in the road, maybe we could get the boss lady's together and do a bit of night stroll !

keep up the good writing, absolutely brilliant.

[TBWG]

Mass murder

For the faint hearted this refers to mass toadicide so if you are of a nervous disposition read no further!

There was a strange offensive odour emanating from the corner of the garden, but then Thailand is full of strange pongs!  so nothing unusual there.

However the electrics in the household were playing up so Mr Sparks the local electrician was called out as I was fed up with my hot (read warm) shower frequently turning into a cold shower half way through when the gubbins tripped and with the current cold spell that was no fun!

Our intrepid electrician soon discovered the cause, poor grounding with some of the juice leeching away to ground. This explains our recent high bills which I have been blaming on the Boss Lady for her extravagant use of her mobile charger.

Well the problem has now been solved by some rearranged wiring and 5 foot of brass rod being inserted into the sod. However a by product of this story is best part of 50 toads and frogs had been nuked by the current and I now have a mass graveyard at the base of said electric pole.

Not sure what the moral of this is other than be well grounded if you are not partial to being electrocuted!


TBWG

[TBWG]

Doggy Fashion


Recently whilst having a pleasant lunch  with a few friends, we had to witness some impromptu entertainment that was definitely not on the managements agenda, or if it was we were not charged for it!

It did however get me thinking about the phrase "doggy style".

Anyway to set the scene a large mangy mongrel was hanging around the restaurant presumably in the hope of getting some scraps. However he was promptly sent on his way, only to suddenly reappear with his little girlfriend in tow, when I say little I mean about a third his size.

He now proceeded to do what only dogs can do. i.e. mount his little bitch in public in broad daylight and without any fear of reprisals from the authorities, he did get a bowl full of water for his troubles from the restaurant staff but this did not dampen his ardour.

Now being a middle class UK lad opportunities for watching dogs shagging were few and far between in my neck of the woods so I assumed doggy style was in fact doggy style! But no these two were now locked ar*e to ar*e together, the little bitch barely touching the ground.

Now for humans to engage in such an act would necessitate the male being hung like a donkey with a universal joint in the middle of his todger (so from now on I think I will call it horsey fashion).

Well to get back to the dog coupling, apart from being chased by the staff two other dogs appear on the scene trying to get in on the action, this results in some serious skirmishing between all 3 male dogs, all the while the little bitch is attached to her partners nether regions and is either being swung around in ever decreasing arc's or bounced around like a ball under the flailing dogs.

I now assume that the mangy dog decides that possession is 99% of the law and takes off at speed dragging his little bitch along backwards behind him with feet occasionally touching the ground.

All of this to applause from the diners and relief from restaurant staff.

Don't you just love Thailand!


TBWG

[pablo]

Don't you just love the internet?  55555   

http://wiki.answers.com/Q/Why_dogs_get_stuck_to_each_other_after_copulation

[maraudingscot]

Well the problem has now been solved by some rearranged wiring and 5 foot of brass rod being inserted into the sod. However a by product of this story is best part of 50 toads and frogs had been nuked by the current and I now have a mass graveyard at the base of said electric pole.

Not sure what the moral of this is other than be well grounded if you are not partial to being electrocuted!


TBWG

  So guess you have now rigged a no go area around said pole!!   


otherwise could be interesting during your recent rain you have had? I am not sure that would have solved problem of electricity? 

ms

[TBWG]

Hi Bums


Things have been a bit quiet in Satuk recently, no punch ups or dog fights so what can we do for a change. I know we will spring a surprise visit on Koffi!

Now let me explain, Koffi is a Dutchman who lived in Satuk for a few years and as his nickname implies he only drank coffee. Coffee became a bit of an obsession with him and he used to go to Laos to purchase his supplies!

Whilst there he met an attractive Lao girl by the name of Won, whose family by good fortune happened to own a coffee plantation. Well to cut a long story short Koffi and Won are now married live in Paksong the coffee growing region in Laos and have Koffi junior. So a visit to him to sample coffee plus that other great Laos export "Beer Lao" is in order.

So from Satuk to the Chong Mek border crossing is only about a 3 hour drive then 50kms to Pakse and another 50km to Paksong so easily arrive in daylight that's always assuming there are no issues.

Well it may only be 3 hours from Satuk to the border but that's if all the paperwork is in order! Well I know the Tabien Rot (car passport) has expired but no problem, I will get it renewed at the Land Transportation office at the border as I have done several times in the past at Nong Khai, Noooooooooooooo the office in question is in fact in Ubon Ratachani 100kms back from whence we came.

Oh dear, anyway helpful staff at immigration give us the tel no and vague directions so off we go, 2 hours later after criss crossing Ubon finding Big C 3 times, following hired Tuk Tuks who repeatedly lead us to the bus station we eventually stumble across it by accident. (for reference it is very near airport) 30 mins later we are on our way back to Chong Mek. Now follows the usual mammoth session filling in various forms to temporarily export car from Thailand and same same to import into Laos.

That done it's my turn next to part up with my US$35 for a Visa, my travel buddy Markus is looking smug as a Swiss citizen he gets his gratis! Still at least I'm not Canadian US$42 or a yank US$40. The authorities obviously settling some old scores here, but what the hell have the Swiss done to get it for nowt, major sucking up maybe?

Well its now very dark, not a lot of lights their side and they drive on the wrong side of the road (if your a Brit or a Thai anyway) So Markus swings into action coming from a country that may get free visas but have to put up with driving arse about face! Well if you thought Thais had no rear lights they are mere amateurs, lights being the exception rather than the rule over here.

So we arrive in Pakse after a hair raising drive avoiding unlit motorbikes and the odd cow. Now Pakse is on the backpacker trail so lots of reasonable guest houses that's if you turn left, we didn't, we went right and finished up in a grotty hotel after earlier choices were full, so for 300 baht a night you get what you pay for, but by now we were past caring!

After a noisy uncomfortable night we were up early to explore Pakse and now discover we had been on the wrong side of town, but we spy a nice coffee shop opposite the covered market and stop for brekkie, however great coffee but no food.............not a problem the owner suggests omelette's and french bread, great, and promptly disappears into the market to purchase same. Five minutes later we are tucking in, this costs about 10 trillion Kip which turns out to be about 5 bob in christian wonga! and is just what the doctor ordered.

A quick trip around the market to purchase a few baguette's and then off to Paksong and for once everyone is pointing us in the same direction, not difficult really as there only appears to be one road out of town in that direction.

So its a steady climb to Paksong which is 1200 odd meters high and has a great climate 28-30 during the day and 12-15 at night and dry not humid. Later Koffi informs us that he does his weekly trip to Pakse on his pushbike 50 kms in 2 hours downhill all the way and returns on the bus with groceries and bike!

When we finally get to Paksong and track down Koffi's coffee HQ his wife tells us he is in Ubon mailing coffee worldwide and replenishing hard to come by items in Laos, but no problem he is due home 5 o'clock that evening, maybe!

So a quick tour of all the guesthouses and hotels soon reveals that Packsong Thevada Hotel is by far the best so sod the expense after the previous evening we deserve a treat and book into this new hilltop hotel with 48 rooms of which 44 are unoccupied and that's after we have accounted for 2! But a very nice hotel it is and sweet and sour ribs in the restaurant go down well. Tables are laid for about 50 guests and while we are eating an advance party arrive, this is security all toting guns on the hips and checking us out through hoodlum type sunglasses, they must have come to the conclusion we were harmless cranks and from then on ignored us completely. 

All of a sudden a few pickups with flashing lights and half a dozen people carriers arrive (all sporting Bangkok plates) and the equivalent of a Saga tour is disgorged, judging by the amount of security around 1 old boy  he must have been a big shot, an immense amount of food and drink is now consumed in a record time and then they all disappeared as quickly as they came!

To be continued...............................


TBWG

[TBWG]

More riveting entertainment!


Well after lunch a trawl around the local bars and restaurants to suss out the place leaves me feeling bloated from all the liquids imbibed. However its about time we check out if Koffi is back so we make our way to his place, but Koffi is nowhere to be seen, oh dear have we embarked on a fools errand?

No, Won informs us he is in the toilet and on cue he arrives looking a bit perplexed, where's Steve? Huh? It transpires that when Won told him some friends had arrived from Satuk he said American Steve? as in a recent phone conversation with him he said he might pay a visit! Yes says Won! First and hopefully last time i'll ever be mistaken for a yank!

I can't help thinking he is a bit disappointed with the arrival of the reserve team! Anyway the coffee begins to flow liberally and excellent it is too.

So after a meal in a local restaurant and a lot of bull****ing we agree to meet early next morning for a coffee extravaganza!  see...   http://www.paksong.info/laos_coffee_workshop.php

Early next morning we meet a Koffi's skip the brekkie as we had indulged at the hotel, but did consume more coffee. Well I won't spoil any possible trips you my plan to make but I now know an awful lot about planting, growing, harvesting and roasting the various types of coffee beans especially Arabica being the speciality of the area. I am also the proud owner of 300grams of coffee beans roasted by moi!

Well all in all a very different and interesting way to spend some time ~~~~ so after more coffee we leave Paksong by the alternative route as suggested by Koffi to embark on some more adventures!

TBWG

To be continued..........................

[maraudingscot]

 


TBWG!!  Like the story so far and awaiting with baited breath for the next instalment. 

[TBWG]

TBWG!!  Like the story so far and awaiting with baited breath for the next instalment. 

Your wish is my command


If you came in July the road would be finished say's Koffi, after suggesting that we do the circular route and lunch at Tat Lo! Bearing in mind it's February that's like saying I'll set fire to my car so nobody will steal it! Pointless!

But we decide to go that way anyhow with Markus driving as he is used to driving on the wrong side of the road. It is difficult to get lost in this part of Laos because there are so few roads and this one is quite good, what was Koffi drivelling on about. The road soon turns into a superb recently laid piece of tarmac ...... great, we will soon be feasting on fish and chips in Tat Lo.

Oh dear after 5 kms the road turns into a dirt road cut into the brush alongside the new stretch which is still under construction and the bad news, it says for 25 kms, better put the grub on hold.

If we are feeling sorry for ourselves spare a thought for the poor sods living by the side of the road. With the passing of every vehicle a thick orange dust cloud is thrown up which seems to hang in the air for an eternity. We drop back about a kilometre from the car in front so that we can have a fighting chance at seeing were we are going only to stir it all up again. The locals who unsurprisingly are all orange must be eating, drinking and inhaling it day in day out. Bet they can't wait for July!

We now have some idea of what it must be like to compete in the Paris - Dakar rally only at about 20% of the speed but our trusty Fortuner copes with the terrain well, gawd, it does not bear thinking about if it should rain.

Well we eventually get back onto reasonable road and arrive at Tat Lo. This really is a gem, a waterfall feeding a small lake in which kids are playing and bathing whilst we watch from a restaurant veranda overlooking the scene and supping beer. What more could one want.... female company ... hey presto, Jessica and Claudia, US and German respectively join us at our table and we spent an enjoyable hour or so swapping travel stories. Although our method of travel, decent hotels and own car is poles apart from their back packing and public transport experiences. Fraid i'm too old for that lark.

Anyway Tat Lo has perhaps a dozen hotels and restaurants and is just a small village, but an idyllic one and well worth the visit! So we are soon back on the road on our way to Pakse and determined this time to arrive in daylight and get a decent hotel.

To be continued!

TBWG 

[TBWG]

The final less than riveting episode


Well we arrive in Pakse with plenty of daylight left and proceed to the bright lights side of town, Lot's of reasonable looking hotels and guest houses and some very non Thai/Laos architecture presumably the French influence.

We decide on a modest looking guest house for one reason only ~~~ It is next to the Nizam Curry house! The guest house is neat and clean and Baht 600 for a large room with 2 double beds, so a done deal!  After a shower and on leaving the hotel we are approached by an exhausted attractive young lady with a huge backpack and a guitar  (what prompts people to take a geetar backpacking)? who is looking for more modest accommodation. Had we any suggestions!!  I was tempted to offer her the spare bed in my room but suspect that she may have thought that my intentions were not entirely honourable! Which of course they were. (you can interpret that which ever way you want).

In hindsight this was a sensible move as I suffered from excess flatulence after my Tandoori chicken and the "Boss lady" says I snore like a train, which I dispute however.

So off for a walk along the Mekong, a few beers at one of the riverside establishments to watch the sun slide down as smoothly as the Laos Beer. This has the effect of putting an edge on our appetite so back to the curry house. Well a table full of excellent food and a few beers and excellent service cost about 6 quid for 2 and we were both fit to burst. The only bad taste left in the mouth was when the owner confiscated the tip we had given the waiters and pocketed it with a smirk.

This particularly annoyed Markus who I thought was about to thump him!  So much for Swiss/Indian relations!

Anyway a quick reconnoiter to suss out a suitable breakfast haunt and its off to bed.

After a sound nights sleep it's up early for an early start back to Thailand, but not before an excellent breakfast at a Cafe within 30 metres of the Hotel. Fresh Coffee plus freshly squeezed orange, French bread and a nice plate of eggs, ham, sausages etc again for about 3 Euro for 2.

So now we embark on an uneventful drive back to Thailand were the satnav again begins to function.

It is only once we are back in Thailand that the thought occurs to us that going to Laos is in fact like stepping back in Thailand 20-30 years.


Fini


TBWG

[maraudingscot]

 

Thanks TBWG, a very interesting story. lightened the day. And yes its a shame that Thailand is not like what it was 20 to 30 years ago. 

I remember my first trip there, early 80's was a great place to visit. unfortunately I did not come back until a few years ago. and I did visit some of the places I did back in the 80's. yup they had changed beyond all recognition!  but thats what they call progress  I guess.

The sadest thing is that a lot of the Thai peoples attitude has changed towards the Farang as well.  But that is covered in another part of the forums.

[TBWG]

Hi Marauding Scot

I would like to suggest that we get together sometime after 4th April which will allow me to recover from my Oz trip.

Meeting at say 3 o'clock outside the 711 opposite the market.  To aid recognition I will wear a red carnation on my Sid Vicious T shirt and have a rolled up copy of "The Times" under my left arm.

To be doubly sure you should use the code phrase of the day, it being "Can I buy you a drink" to which the reply should be  "Mines a bottle of Archa".

Hope you understand all these precautions but you can't be too careful these days!   Just name the day

David  aka TBWG

[maraudingscot]

 

Hi Dave,

Ok lost first reply as timed out!

So will retry

To be doubly sure you should use the code phrase of the day, it being "Can I buy you a drink" to which the reply should be  "Mines a bottle of Archa".

If answer I get back is "sure, I go short time 500 Baht" then I know I have the wrong person

Though I suspect Dave from Surin may post a different answer.

I would like to suggest that we get together sometime after 4th April which will allow me to recover from my Oz trip.

Meeting at say 3 o'clock outside the 711 opposite the market.  To aid recognition I will wear a red carnation on my Sid Vicious T shirt and have a rolled up copy of "The Times" under my left arm.

Sounds good, as I am hoping to get down to Phanom Rung, between 3 and 5th April, as its the correct solar alignment for the sunrise to lighten through all 15 sanctuary doorways. so should be quite good!

I will look out for the "clockwork Orange" rocker1 thats if you have a bowler hat tuck away somewhere! As for me,  I'll be the rather white, hot looking Farang wandering around being earached by a g/f saying why do we have to go out in the sun and where the hell is the 711

So sounds good.

I hope you enjoy your Oz trip, should be an interesting season as they only have one tank of fuel and Schewy is back!

Will drop you a note closer to the time when I get a better idea of the schedule
Regards
Stan

[TBWG]

I will look out for the "clockwork Orange" thats if you have a bowler hat tuck away somewhere!

That reminds me what did I do with that Cod Piece?

TBWG

[dave the dude]

That reminds me what did I do with that Cod Piece?

TBWG

I think I know were you're likely to have left it!