Australian "Space" news

[dimple joe]

Australia announced a new space programme today

[dimple joe]

The first Aussie to venture into space has been named as Bruce "Dingo" Murray.

Dingo (32) was recruited from the fine fellows in the Australian military.

He came 1st after exhaustive tests and assessments at the top secret Moonie Ponds special forces base. 

[Tassie]

I remember "Dingo" well, he was actually 21 in the photo and was on security detail on the Melbourne docks.  The drama of having to deal with "10 pound Poms" getting off the boats I guess got to him as he aged quickly.
Regards

[lindsaywarden6]

Some people might think you are having a go at Aussies Dumpy Joe.  I'm sure that's not the case as I know you have great regard for us.

[CO-CO]

As I am 100% sure we all do...

[dimple joe]

Just a spot of the old "jovial banter" lads.

Intended to bring a smile on a slow Sunday. 

You know us Pomgolians love you Aussies really.....

 

[jivvy]

These were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a great sense of humour.
Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia ? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? ( UK ).
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.
Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? ( USA )
A: Depends how much you?ve been drinking.
Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney ? can I follow the railroad tracks? ( Sweden)
A: Sure, it?s only three thousand miles, take lots of water.
Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia ? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane , Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay ? ( UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?
Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia ? ( USA )
A: A-Fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe . Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not ? Oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross.
Q: Which direction is North in Australia ? ( USA )
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we?ll send the rest of the directions.
Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia ? ( UK )
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do?
Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys? Choir schedule? ( USA )
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is Oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in > Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races.
Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia ? ( UK )
A: You are a British politician, right?
Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? ( Germany )
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.
Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can Dispense rattlesnake serum. ( USA )
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and > make good pets.
Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia , but I forget its name. It?s a kind of bear and lives in trees. ( USA )
A: It?s called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them.
Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia ? ( USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia ? ( France )
A: Only at Christmas.
Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? ( USA )
A: Yes, but you?ll have to learn it first

[lindsaywarden6]

Nearly all of that is true except that Perth is 3,010 miles from Sydney.  And there are only rubber snakes and plastic spiders.

[Phantom]

Not to mention, closing the Sydney Harbour Bridge between 2 and 4 in the morning to let the kangaroos across.