Letter to Santa

[smoooth2]

Dear Santa,
How are you ? How is Mrs Claus ? I hope everyone, from the reindeer to the Elves is fine. I have been a very good boy this year. I would like an X Box 360 with Call of Duty IV and an iPhone4 for Christmas. I hope you remember that come Christmas Day.
Merry Christmas ..... Timmy Jones


Dear Timmy,
Thank you for your letter. Mrs Claus, the reindeer and the Elves are all fine, and thank you for asking about them. Santa is a little worried all the time you spend playing video games and texting. Santa wouldn't want you to get fat. Since you have indeed been a good boy, I think I'll bring you something you can go outside and play with.
Merry Christmas .... Santa Claus


Mr Claus,
Seeing I have fulfilled the "naughty vs nice" contract, set by you I might add, I feel confident that you can see your way clear to granting me what I have asked for. I certainly wouldn't want to turn this joyous season into one of litigation. Also, don't you think that a jibe at my weight, coming from an overweight man who goes out once a year, is a bit trite ?
Respectfully ...... Tim Jones


Mr Jones,
While I have acknowledged you have met the "nice" criteria, need I remind you that your Christmas list is a request, and in no way is it a guarantee of services provided. Should you wish to pursue legal action, well that is your right. Please know however, that my attorney's have been on retainer ever since the Burgermeister Meisterburger incident, and will be more than happy to take you on in open court. Additionally, the excercise I alluded to will not only improve your health, but also improve your social skills and potentially help clear up a complexion that looks like the bottom of the Burger King fry
bin most days.
Very Truly Yours .... S Claus


Now look here fat man,
I told you what I wanted, and I expect you to bring it. I was attempting to be polite about this, but you bought my looks and my friends into this. Now you're just disrespecting me. I'm about to Tweet my boyz, and we're gonna be waiting for your fat arse, and I'm taking my game console, my game, my phone, and whatever else I want. WHAT EVER I WANT MAN !
T Bone


Listen Pizza Face,
Seriously ?? You think a dude that breaks into every house in the world on one night, and never gets caught, sweats on a skinny G-banger wannabe ?  "He sees you when you're sleeping, He knows when you're awake" ... sound familiar genius ? You know what kind of resources I have at my disposal ? I got your shit wired Jack. I go all around the world and see ways to hurt people that if I described them right now, you'd throw up your Roma pizza roll all over the carpet of your mum's basement. You're not getting what you asked for, but I'm still stopping by your crib to stomp a mud hole in your arse, and then walk it dry. Chew on that Petunia.
S Clizzy


Dear Santa,
Bring me whatever you see fit. I'll appreciate anything.
Timmy


Timmy,
That's what I thought you little shithead
Santa