Benefits of being 60

[smoooth2]

1 - Kidnappers are not very interested in you

2 - In a hostage situation, you are most likely to be released first

3 - No one expects you to run into a burning building

4 - People call you at 9pm and then apologise for waking you

5 - People no longer acuse you of being a hypochondriac

6 - There's nothing left to learn the hard way

7 - Stuff that you buy now will not wear out

8 - You can eat dinner at 5pm

9 - You can live without sex, but not without your glasses

10 - You enjoy hearing about other people's operations

11 - You get into heated arguments about pension plans

12 - You can have a party and the neighbours never know about it

13 - You no longer consider speed limits to be a challenge

14 - You don't give a toss about holding in your stomach on the beach

15 - You hum along with elevator and shopping mall music

16 - Your eyes won't get much worse

17 - Your health insurance premiums are finally starting to pay off

18 - Your joints are more accurate than the weather bureau

19 - Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either

20 - Your supply of brain cells in finally down to a manageable size

21 - You can openly oggle and fantasize about beautiful women, and not really give a toss what other people think

22 - A whole new undiscovered world of "Seniors Discounts" opens up

[dimple joe]

  so very true.....

[smoooth2]

If any of the following apply ... you're probably 60

*  Everything hurts ... and what doesn't hurt ... doesn't work

*  The gleam in your eyes is most likely the sun on your glasses

*  You wake up in the morning feeling like you had a huge bender the night before ... but you were in bed by 9pm

*  You get exhausted playing chess

*  Your children look middle aged

*  You spend $500 joining a Health club ... and don't lose any weight ... because you can't be bothered going

*  You begin to outlive enthusiasm

*  Your mind makes contracts that your body can't deliver

*  You know all the answers ... but no one is asking the questions

*  You look forward to a dull evening

*  Your favourite section of the newspaper is "This Day 30 Years Ago"

*  You sit in your favourite recliner ... and haven't got the strength to make it recline

*  You can't see what colour shoes you are wearing

*  You're 17 around the neck ... and 45 around the waist

*  You're not looking forward to your next birthday

*  Dialling long distance wears you out

*  You think a Blackberry is a fruit ... and an LCD is a 60's mind bender

*  You're back is the only part of you that is stiff when you wake up

*  A fortune teller offers to read your face

*  You turn off the lights to save money ... rather than for romance

*  Your favourite book is your Organiser Diary

*  People offer you their seat on a crowded bus

*  "Burning the Midnight Oil " starts at 9pm

*  You sink your teeth into a steak ... and they stay there

*  Your pacemaker makes the garage door go up when a pretty girl walks by

*  You get excerise being a pallbearer for a friend who exercised

*  The medicine cabinet is the biggest cupboard in the house

*  You know more about drugs than the local pharmacist

*  The best part of your day is over when the alarm goes off

*  The biggest decision of the day is ... play 18 holes ... or do nothing

*  You spend all day wondering where your missing thong has got to

[Prakhonchai Nick]

I will 2nd DJ's comment on both posts.

Some of us over 60's do manage to push the limits on some items beyond 60 though!

[CO-CO]

I can hardly wait to get there................ counting down the years. 

[nookiebear]

I will 2nd DJ's comment on both posts.

Some of us over 60's do manage to push the limits on some items beyond 60 though!

Nick,Expand on that remark!

[nookiebear]

I can hardly wait to get there................ counting down the years. 

Fatboy,
Who are you trying to kid.

[dundeemk6]

Nick : with voodoo  ?

[smoooth2]

How do you know you've turned 60 ?

Your dreams are dry .... and your farts are wet

[smoooth2]

Benefit of being 60+ .... you can say anything and people will think "silly old coot..."

This bar girl looked at my beer belly last night and said "Leo or Chang ...?"
I said "There's a tap underneath ... taste it and find out."

I was talking with a bar girl a few nights ago.
She said "If you lost a few kgs, had a shave and got a haircut, you'd look alright."
I replied "If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you."

I was telling a bar girl about my amazing ability to guess her age just by feeling her tits.
"Really..?" she said, "Go on then ... try."
After about 30 seconds of fumbling and groping she began to lose patience and said
"Come on then, when was I born ?"
I said "Yesterday."

I got caught having a leak in the Buriram pool yesterday.
The lifeguard attendant yelled at me so loud, I nearly fell in.

I went to a bar last night and saw a fat girl dancing on the table.
I said "Nice legs."
She giggled and said with a smile "Do you really think so ?"
I said "Definately !! ... most tables would have collapsed by now."

I get out of hospital on Wednesday.

[Voodoo]

Nick : with voodoo  ?

I'm beginning to wonder about you Dundee..