good Thai girl

[pbee]

It is not easy to carry on a long distance relationship, especially when you are asked to send out money. I had only known my g/f for about six months,and was in UK working. She asked me for money to send her daughter to a better school. I was not sure whether to send it or not,considering the short time that I had known her. Anyway I sent the money . On my next visit we were travelling to a temple in the back of a pick-up,and her little daughter started singing an ABC song, it was priceless. She is now learning chinese as well as English. Money well spent for sure. That was nearly five happy years ago.

[roger]

Yes agree with you all . Think i will go visit and be on my guard. My mate has met many Thai girls on the internet and EVERY ONE OF THEM HIT HIM FOR MONEY IN THE END. Have laid down the law to mine and said not to ask for money now or in future and if she does I AM GONE FACT. But time will tell i think.

wow as a total i have found your comments very powerfull, i to seem to be on this road, but have been totaly unaware of the underlying trates, i seem to read every where about stories of bad luck and bad experiancies, and only a few possitive outcomes, i accept that many women have expectations of men being the provider the world over, but it is becoming apparent that thai women are more acustom to extracting money on short term relationships than working together for a prosperious long term future, maybe im wrong, im just trying to get an understanding of things, same old same i have been coming to thailand for the last 2 years ( 6 times ) after a disasterious devorce, have done the tourist thing, but on my last visit to pattaya met a young girl from buriram, we got on well, and i spent the last two weeks of my holiday with her, we talked about many things, she had only been in pattaya for 3 months and didnt like it, and wonted to go home to her mother and sister, and on leaving, seemed to break her heart, after a few days of being back in england i phoned her, the same story was repeated and backed up by another girl from the same bar, (who i had also talked with) she now supported the she can not go with falang any more story, a few days later we spoke again, she seemed angry, she had had an argument with the bar boss, and been told to leave, because she only drink, over the next few days we talked several times ( i phoned at random )she always seemed to be in the room she shared with her friend or eating but never at the bar, i arranged to send some money to her so that she could go back to buriram, since then we speak, as best we can, two or three times a day, and on the evening on msn, at the moment i have no reason to disbelive her, but reading ( not just in buriram expats ) but in many places on the internet ) about the down side to thai western relationships its starting to raise questions, i have spoken to her mother and sister and she has taken them to a internet cafe with web cam so that we can see each other, it all seem very lagit at the moment and i am planing to come out to buriram in december or before if possible, well guys thats my story so far, am i on the right road ? should i go with the flow ? or am i on the road to self distruction ? i think i have to at least come to buriram and see her in her own inviroment, your feed back will be apperciated many thanks roger, now i need a beer........ 

[dave the dude]

Yes agree with you all . Think i will go visit and be on my guard. My mate has met many Thai girls on the internet and EVERY ONE OF THEM HIT HIM FOR MONEY IN THE END. Have laid down the law to mine and said not to ask for money now or in future and if she does I AM GONE FACT. But time will tell i think.

wow as a total i have found your comments very powerfull, i to seem to be on this road, but have been totaly unaware of the underlying trates, i seem to read every where about stories of bad luck and bad experiancies, and only a few possitive outcomes, i accept that many women have expectations of men being the provider the world over, but it is becoming apparent that thai women are more acustom to extracting money on short term relationships than working together for a prosperious long term future, maybe im wrong, im just trying to get an understanding of things, same old same i have been coming to thailand for the last 2 years ( 6 times ) after a disasterious devorce, have done the tourist thing, but on my last visit to pattaya met a young girl from buriram, we got on well, and i spent the last two weeks of my holiday with her, we talked about many things, she had only been in pattaya for 3 months and didnt like it, and wonted to go home to her mother and sister, and on leaving, seemed to break her heart, after a few days of being back in england i phoned her, the same story was repeated and backed up by another girl from the same bar, (who i had also talked with) she now supported the she can not go with falang any more story, a few days later we spoke again, she seemed angry, she had had an argument with the bar boss, and been told to leave, because she only drink, over the next few days we talked several times ( i phoned at random )she always seemed to be in the room she shared with her friend or eating but never at the bar, i arranged to send some money to her so that she could go back to buriram, since then we speak, as best we can, two or three times a day, and on the evening on msn, at the moment i have no reason to disbelive her, but reading ( not just in buriram expats ) but in many places on the internet ) about the down side to thai western relationships its starting to raise questions, i have spoken to her mother and sister and she has taken them to a internet cafe with web cam so that we can see each other, it all seem very lagit at the moment and i am planing to come out to buriram in december or before if possible, well guys thats my story so far, am i on the right road ? should i go with the flow ? or am i on the road to self distruction ? i think i have to at least come to buriram and see her in her own inviroment, your feed back will be apperciated many thanks roger, now i need a beer........ 

Hi rodger

I will not post one of my smart@rse comments cos my introduction to Thailand/Thai ladies is so simular. Its hard to give advice to someone other than 'take your time and think wisely.'
I would never say don't send your lady money because I did it a bit, but I was bloody careful to double check stories when I next visited(sick Bufallo syndrome ). You must keep reminding yourself that Thai's think and act differently to what you may be used too and without a doubt, the number one responsibility IS FAMILY FIRST FOR EVER! Deal with it, as it can be sort of accepted by us ferangs in different ways.

Sure, you hear mainly horror stories in books/internet but there are many guys living a good life here (I believe I am BTW) but things are not given to you 'on a plate.'
Nearly every friend (& poster here) I know personally DESERVES to be having a good life as they have contribited to the Thai(& ferang) communities over here and not by just paying their way in. I have and hopefully will remain honest with my wife about what i can & cannot do and to date I am proud of what we have achieved together (her work & my money  )

Dave (& Sri)   

[roger]

Yes agree with you all . Think i will go visit and be on my guard. My mate has met many Thai girls on the internet and EVERY ONE OF THEM HIT HIM FOR MONEY IN THE END. Have laid down the law to mine and said not to ask for money now or in future and if she does I AM GONE FACT. But time will tell i think.

wow as a total i have found your comments very powerfull, i to seem to be on this road, but have been totaly unaware of the underlying trates, i seem to read every where about stories of bad luck and bad experiancies, and only a few possitive outcomes, i accept that many women have expectations of men being the provider the world over, but it is becoming apparent that thai women are more acustom to extracting money on short term relationships than working together for a prosperious long term future, maybe im wrong, im just trying to get an understanding of things, same old same i have been coming to thailand for the last 2 years ( 6 times ) after a disasterious devorce, have done the tourist thing, but on my last visit to pattaya met a young girl from buriram, we got on well, and i spent the last two weeks of my holiday with her, we talked about many things, she had only been in pattaya for 3 months and didnt like it, and wonted to go home to her mother and sister, and on leaving, seemed to break her heart, after a few days of being back in england i phoned her, the same story was repeated and backed up by another girl from the same bar, (who i had also talked with) she now supported the she can not go with falang any more story, a few days later we spoke again, she seemed angry, she had had an argument with the bar boss, and been told to leave, because she only drink, over the next few days we talked several times ( i phoned at random )she always seemed to be in the room she shared with her friend or eating but never at the bar, i arranged to send some money to her so that she could go back to buriram, since then we speak, as best we can, two or three times a day, and on the evening on msn, at the moment i have no reason to disbelive her, but reading ( not just in buriram expats ) but in many places on the internet ) about the down side to thai western relationships its starting to raise questions, i have spoken to her mother and sister and she has taken them to a internet cafe with web cam so that we can see each other, it all seem very lagit at the moment and i am planing to come out to buriram in december or before if possible, well guys thats my story so far, am i on the right road ? should i go with the flow ? or am i on the road to self distruction ? i think i have to at least come to buriram and see her in her own inviroment, your feed back will be apperciated many thanks roger, now i need a beer........ 

Hi rodger

I will not post one of my smart@rse comments cos my introduction to Thailand/Thai ladies is so simular. Its hard to give advice to someone other than 'take your time and think wisely.'
I would never say don't send your lady money because I did it a bit, but I was bloody careful to double check stories when I next visited(sick Bufallo syndrome ). You must keep reminding yourself that Thai's think and act differently to what you may be used too and without a doubt, the number one responsibility IS FAMILY FIRST FOR EVER! Deal with it, as it can be sort of accepted by us ferangs in different ways.

Sure, you hear mainly horror stories in books/internet but there are many guys living a good life here (I believe I am BTW) but things are not given to you 'on a plate.'
Nearly every friend (& poster here) I know personally DESERVES to be having a good life as they have contribited to the Thai(& ferang) communities over here and not by just paying their way in. I have and hopefully will remain honest with my wife about what i can & cannot do and to date I am proud of what we have achieved together (her work & my money  )

Dave (& Sri)   

Yes agree with you all . Think i will go visit and be on my guard. My mate has met many Thai girls on the internet and EVERY ONE OF THEM HIT HIM FOR MONEY IN THE END. Have laid down the law to mine and said not to ask for money now or in future and if she does I AM GONE FACT. But time will tell i think.

wow as a total i have found your comments very powerfull, i to seem to be on this road, but have been totaly unaware of the underlying trates, i seem to read every where about stories of bad luck and bad experiancies, and only a few possitive outcomes, i accept that many women have expectations of men being the provider the world over, but it is becoming apparent that thai women are more acustom to extracting money on short term relationships than working together for a prosperious long term future, maybe im wrong, im just trying to get an understanding of things, same old same i have been coming to thailand for the last 2 years ( 6 times ) after a disasterious devorce, have done the tourist thing, but on my last visit to pattaya met a young girl from buriram, we got on well, and i spent the last two weeks of my holiday with her, we talked about many things, she had only been in pattaya for 3 months and didnt like it, and wonted to go home to her mother and sister, and on leaving, seemed to break her heart, after a few days of being back in england i phoned her, the same story was repeated and backed up by another girl from the same bar, (who i had also talked with) she now supported the she can not go with falang any more story, a few days later we spoke again, she seemed angry, she had had an argument with the bar boss, and been told to leave, because she only drink, over the next few days we talked several times ( i phoned at random )she always seemed to be in the room she shared with her friend or eating but never at the bar, i arranged to send some money to her so that she could go back to buriram, since then we speak, as best we can, two or three times a day, and on the evening on msn, at the moment i have no reason to disbelive her, but reading ( not just in buriram expats ) but in many places on the internet ) about the down side to thai western relationships its starting to raise questions, i have spoken to her mother and sister and she has taken them to a internet cafe with web cam so that we can see each other, it all seem very lagit at the moment and i am planing to come out to buriram in december or before if possible, well guys thats my story so far, am i on the right road ? should i go with the flow ? or am i on the road to self distruction ? i think i have to at least come to buriram and see her in her own inviroment, your feed back will be apperciated many thanks roger, now i need a beer........ 

Thank you Dave, yes i try and let common sence prevail, she came on msn with her mama again today, i try to ask all the right questions , but all seems so ligit, she says no b/f not wont, wont me come buriram, ill keep you posted on the events weather good or bad, in the hopes it will help others who are on this road, to understand the ups and downs of having a log distance relationship, many thanks - speak soon roger & surat

[aparasher]

Folk,

If someone is this keen in a girl that they are more than happy to part with their money, then I would suggest to take some prelim invertigations done. There are lots of such services available like Stickman (I am sure most of you know him). Still I would ensure that demands are not unreasonable.

Like in any relationship, communication is the key and you need to tell your gf regarding your boundaries.

I wont put any smart a*#e comments about who is the boss...but you get the drift.

Cheers

AP

[roger]

Folk,

If someone is this keen in a girl that they are more than happy to part with their money, then I would suggest to take some prelim invertigations done. There are lots of such services available like Stickman (I am sure most of you know him). Still I would ensure that demands are not unreasonable.

Like in any relationship, communication is the key and you need to tell your gf regarding your boundaries.

I wont put any smart a*#e comments about who is the boss...but you get the drift.

Cheers

AP

Thank AP might take a look at that ( think i get your drift a kind of pi thing )  roger

[burilad]

I 

[pbee]

Hi Roger, I have read your posts and most of the replies, you seem very unsure of your situation regarding this girl.As I see it she is trying to show you that she is gin gin (genuine).She has her mother etc for you to see when she contacts you. This is good,how else can she prove her location. You must provide for her if she has returned to the family home,she obviously went working to help support her family in the first place.This is done very often not by choice ,but by necessity .If you can not support her she must work again . For sure. If she is living at home with mum,10,000 baht per month would be an acceptable amount to send to her. This would do,until you go to her home in Dec. When you can see the situation with your own eyes,you can re access the situation. I hope your girl is not constantly under questioning about the financial side,because if she is you could change her perspective of the relationship and she could decide that you are not worth the hassle,then she might take you for a bit of money and go to work again. Trust works both ways. As for a private investigation,that is totally absurd,if I ever thought that was needed I would end the relationship immediately. It would be impossible for a stranger to stake out my wife in her village without people knowing. Believe me she would know within the hour. Issan villages are a very close knit community.£50 per week is not much to pay for your chance of a beautiful life together. If it works out well and I hope it does for you,you will be spending much more than that as many expats will tell you. If you dont try how will you ever know.

[dave the dude]

Very good advice from pbee about the BOTH of you.
Try not copying previous threads in your posts. Its boring 
Chok Dee

Dave

[roger]

Hi Roger, I have read your posts and most of the replies, you seem very unsure of your situation regarding this girl.As I see it she is trying to show you that she is gin gin (genuine).She has her mother etc for you to see when she contacts you. This is good,how else can she prove her location. You must provide for her if she has returned to the family home,she obviously went working to help support her family in the first place.This is done very often not by choice ,but by necessity .If you can not support her she must work again . For sure. If she is living at home with mum,10,000 baht per month would be an acceptable amount to send to her. This would do,until you go to her home in Dec. When you can see the situation with your own eyes,you can re access the situation. I hope your girl is not constantly under questioning about the financial side,because if she is you could change her perspective of the relationship and she could decide that you are not worth the hassle,then she might take you for a bit of money and go to work again. Trust works both ways. As for a private investigation,that is totally absurd,if I ever thought that was needed I would end the relationship immediately. It would be impossible for a stranger to stake out my wife in her village without people knowing. Believe me she would know within the hour. Issan villages are a very close knit community.£50 per week is not much to pay for your chance of a beautiful life together. If it works out well and I hope it does for you,you will be spending much more than that as many expats will tell you. If you dont try how will you ever know.  

Hi pbee wow thanks, no my girl is not under constant questioning about money, you hit the nail right on the head, when i asked her how much to send she said "10,000 up to you " i asked her how much she give to mama she said 7000, since then i have been sending 5000 every 2 weeks, of which, she gives 3000 to the home and keeps 2000, i have said to her, your a good girl to look after mama ( trying to understand the way the family works in thailand ) yes i see the point you make about the pi and agree with you, i can imagin that that would go round like wild fire, i understand what she has done by bringing her mother and sister to the internet cafe, and yes i did take it as proof that she was being honest, i feel a lot more confident as time goes on, she is always there answers the phone at any time day or night, and tells me i can ring any time, i feel all is going well at the moment, and think the real testing ground will be when i come to buriram inb december, as another poster said, when i went to my g/fs village it made our relationship stronger, i think that this will be the same for us, but with so many negitive stories on the internet/in books/in forums, ect i have just felt a little causious about my situation.

[Lourens]

That's why I don't read the newspapers anymore if I can help it. Too much sensationalism. I have been married to my wonderful wife now for almost twelve years. I have never been happier. But make no mistake - there were and still are some times when things get tough. But that is what married life is all about. It makes things interesting. Best move I ever made

[SWINDLED]

the only way to truly measure how genuine the relationship will be is with initial chemistry...if you dont have that, what do you have?

[roger]

hi all, thanks for your help and reassurance, I am now feeling a lot more comfortable with things, on many occasions when talking to my g/f she will say, " when you come I show you " backed up by mama as well, and many " I not lie you " "can see can see everything" so apparently I am to go and stay at there house. (no mention of any farther yet and im not sure if I should ask ) ? would that be classed as rude )
yes at the moment i feel things are running smoothly, and am looking forward to coming over to buriram asap.
could anyone please tell me if there are any web sites about non dindaeng/lam nangrong; the only thing I can find is about the dam, g/f tells me very beautiful, she goes there often, but I would like to see a bit more about life there, again thanks for your help   

[burilad]

HI ALL, Help me out here guys and tell me if i am getting taken for a big ride or not ok. I met nice a thai girl in Buriram at a meal in Jan and we got on great. She works for herself selling to farms and seems to work hard and long hours. I just been back to spend some time with her in july and again we got on great again although paying for her mates every time we met them did piss me off a bit . I do find it hard that her english is not that good and it can be a bit hard going sometimes. But that said i like her very much. I have done all the bargirl stuff in the past and wanted to find a girl to have a good future with and one that i could trust. The problem is she is now hitting on at me about money all the time and feels i should look after and take care of her,that means only one thing as you now (money). Since Jan i have sent her £450 to help her pay her rent and for her pickup payment she said she could not pay. I also paid for every thing when we were together and travel. NOW every time we talk on msn the subject of money comes up and she kicks of like mad. When i ask her how much she thinks i should send her all i get is HOW MUCH YOU THINK I WORTH (GOOD ANSWER). I don't really want to get in to a situation where i got send money to her on a reguler bases just to stay being my girlfriend. But know these thai girls expect it from you in some way.We also spoke of marriage and she has told me she had been married before but he messed her about with other girls. She tells me he paid her family 200,000TBT plus gold bars and would expect me to do same ( although she did'nt say that in so many words) for her to marry me. THIS ALL PISSES ME OFF A BIT AS THE WHOLE RELATIONSHIP IS ABOUT MONEY NOW and not love and i feel we are drifting apart over this issue. I told her if we marry and she comes here i will take care of her ALL, but she don't see it that way, more like i am your girlfriend take care of me and when you want marry me YOU GOT PAY FOR ME. Please please HELP as i find this all hard to get my head around this Thia culture ways. Am i expected to pay and if so pay what ? or is she trying it on with me HELP!

[Admin]

Hi,

First read this one: http://www.buriramexpats.com/thai-wedding/

Look at the gallery page,read some background on "thai wedding" as well + Pictures:

http://www.buriramexpats.com/gallery/


Now,personal view of me,
We,the foreigners,not used to live and act as it's here in Asia and particularly in Thailand, we feels like we want a girlfriend as in the west (wild west?!  ) and should not exchange money4love..
BUT 
Not talkign about your girl (!), but I hope it's clear for you that if you won't support your typical Thai lady,in Thai means it mean you not care and not "take care" so she will have to find another way of living like you can see in popular tourist places like Pattaya,Bangkok and so on, I assume it's not strange for you to understand it.
You have to think and most important to FEEL her heart and see the actions of your mate to know what's in her heart and this thing only you can say by your instincts only.

Important points to think about:

How old are you?How old is she?
Where she lives?Village or in the City?
How wealthy is her family?
You say she have a job,Does she make enough for living by herself? (mostly the answer is no).
How/Where did you met her?

Before any serious move you have to slow down and recalculate your moves and action with any woman anywhere in the world.
Mariage is a serious thing and you have to consider it as well, sometimes mariage in Thailand taken not serious because the culture and environment..

Most importantly,talk to her straight on these issues and try to get straight answers and not go around this subject as many ladies try to do.. (We call it Bullshit....  ).

Hope I helped a bit,keep update us,we'll try to help.....