Joint UK/US plan to be announced at the G20 summit

[dimple joe]

 

Due to the current financial situation and general slowdown in both economies, the governments of the United Kingdom and the United States of America have decided to implement a joint scheme to put workers of 50 years of age and above on early, mandatory retirement, thus creating jobs and reducing unemployment.

This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).

Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to their Government to be considered for the SHAFT program (Special Help After Forced Termination).

Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW program (System Covering Retired Early Workers).

A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as their Government deems appropriate.

Persons who have been RAPED could get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependents & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance).

Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by their Government.

Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on, will receive as much SHIT (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. The Governments have always prided themselves on the amount of SHIT they give their citizens.

Persons who feel they do not receive enough SHIT, should bring this to the attention of their Member of Parliament or Senator, who has been trained to give you all the SHIT you can handle.

Sincerely,

The Committee for Economic Value of Individual Lives (E.V.I.L.)

PS - Due to recent budget cuts and the rising cost of electricity, gas and oil, as well as current market conditions, the Light at the End of the Tunnel has been turned off.

many a true word.........

[Vombatus]