Happy Endings Golf Society

[dimple joe]

The original picture was deleted by the censors - even after the naughty bits had been blocked out. 

See attached revised pic.

Signed
Hon Sec

[Starman]

Beach Volleyball?

[Admin]

The original picture was deleted by the censors - even after the naughty bits had been blocked out. 

See attached revised pic.

Signed
Hon Sec

Now it's ok.

[Prakhonchai Nick]

If the caddies were all similarly attired, I wouldn't risk extra curricular activities even if offered!

[Vombatus]

The original picture was deleted by the censors - even after the naughty bits had been blocked out. 

See attached revised pic.

Signed
Hon Sec

I thought the first one was blonde with blue eyes ??

[dimple joe]

Hang on I'll check............no a Redhead - the clue was in the nickname - and her eyes were covered by her hat, or did you not notice the hat?

It's the same lady honest guv.

[Vombatus]

Hat ?

All i noticed was a clear runway.

I guess you would have to keep your head still in a burkha ?

[TBWG]

Wife's  Diary:

Tonight, I thought my  husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a nice  restaurant for dinner. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so  I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made  no comment on it. Conversation wasn't flowing, so I suggested that we  go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn't say  much.

I asked him what was wrong; He said, 'Nothing.' I asked  him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said he wasn't upset,  that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it. On the  way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly, and kept  driving.

I can't explain his behavior I don't know why he  didn't say, 'I love you, too.' When we got home, I felt as if I had  lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He  just sat there quietly, and watched TV. He continued to seem distant  and absent.   Finally, with silence all around us, I decided  to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed. But I still felt  that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell  asleep; I cried. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that  his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.


Husband's  Diary:

A four putt; who the F##K  four putts?




TBWG

[Vombatus]

      

[TBWG]

Just got scammed out of $25. Bought Tiger Woods DVD entitled "My Favorite 18 Holes".

 Turns out it's about golf.

Absolute waste of money. Pass this on so others don't get scammed

Best Regards,
Charlie Sheen

[Clasta]

I was told that Tiger Woods lost a lot of sponsor contracts lately because of all his affairs with other ladies. But Pfizer like to engage Tiger for a campaign of a new pill. The name of the pill will be Tiagra and gives you power for 18 holes. 

[TBWG]

   Subject: My new golf book - for sale to you at Mates Rates
 
    You may not know it, but I have been very busy over the last
    couple of year' s putting my thoughts and ideas together into a book.

    I am very proud of the results and, in order to market the publication,

    I am asking friends and family to assist.

    The book is on golf... I believe it gives the reader valuable
    playing tips and insider information that I have gained through my years
    of experience.
 
    The book is only £25.99 and can be ordered by simply replying to
    this email with the appropriate credit card info.
 


       Highlights include:
 
    ? Chapter 1 - How to Properly Line Up Your Fourth Putt
 
    ? Chapter 2 - How to Hit a Maxfli from the Rough When You Just
       Hit a Titleist from the Tee
 
    ? Chapter 3 - How to Avoid the Water When You Lie 8 in a Bunker
       (also see Chapter 9)

    ? Chapter 4 - How to Get More Distance off the Shank
 
    ? Chapter 5 - When to Give the Ranger the Finger
 
    ? Chapter 6 - Using Your Shadow on the Greens to Maximize
       Earnings
 
    ? Chapter 7 - When to Implement Handicap Management
 
    ? Chapter 8 - Proper Excuses for Drinking Beer Before 9:00 a.m
 
    ? Chapter 9 - How to Find That Ball That Everyone Else Saw Go in
       the Water
 
    ? Chapter 10- How to Relax When You Are Hitting Three off the Tee
 
    ? Chapter 11- When to Suggest Major Swing Corrections to Your
       Opponent
 
    ? Chapter 12- When to Re-grip Your Ball Retriever


    The book also includes the latest GOLF TERMS

    ? A Paris Hilton - an expensive hole
 
    ? A Diegio Maradonna - a very nasty 5 footer
 
    ? A Salman Rushdie - an impossible read

 
    ? A Rio Ferdinand - Lipped out
 
    ? A Rock Hudson - thought it was straight, but it wasn't
 
    ? A Cuban - needs one more revolution
 
    ? An Elton John - a big bender that lips the rim
 
    ? An Adolf Hitler - two shots in the bunker
 
    ? A Yasser Arafat - ugly and in the sand
 
    ? A Kate Winslett - a bit fat but otherwise perfect

    ? A Kate Moss - bit thin
 
    ? A Gerry Adams - playing a Provisional
 
    ? A Rodney King - over-clubbed
 
    ? An O. J. Simpson - got away with it
 
    ? A Princess Grace - should have taken a driver
 
    ? A Princess Di - shouldn't have taken a driver
 
    ? A Ladyboy - looks like an easy hole but all is not what it seems
 
    ? An elephant's arse - high and shitty
 
   ? A condom - safe but didn't feel real good
 
   ? A circus tent - a BIG top

    ? An Anna Kournikova - looks great, but unlikely to get a result
 
    ? A Vinnie Jones - nasty kick when you're not expecting it

    ? A Ryanair - flies well but lands a long way from the target
 
    ? A sister-in-law - up there but I know that I shouldn't be

 

 

 

 

 

[Vombatus]

To which you can add a few that I had today:-

Sally Gunnell  -  Ugly, but a good runner.

[Clasta]

I had no idea golf was this easy...

[TBWG]

Leather Dresses

   
Did You Know This About Leather Dresses?

Do you know that when a woman wears a leather dress,
a man's heart beats quicker, his throat gets dry,
he gets weak in the knees, and he begins to think irrationally.

       



Ever wonder why?   






It's because she  smells like a new golf bag


 TBWG