Happy Endings Golf Society

[dimple joe]

Happy Endings Golf Society

Competition Results – 10/02/2011

1st           Roger “I got this shirt in Pattaya” Ribbins   
2nd =    Brian “Speedy Gonzales” White
2nd =    Frank “The slim good looking one” Barber
4th           “Dangerous” Dave Sabino

To save everyone's blushes, actual scores will not be posted here but suffice to say that each player has a handicap reduction next week.

Despite being unable to repeat Tuesday's spectacular birdie on the first, Roger produced enough pars to make sure of the win.

Special mention should be made of the wonderful par made by Dangerous Dave on the third. He has only played six or seven times and once he can concentrate on golf rather than getting phone numbers from the Caddies, he really will be dangerous.

Our Captain, Alan “Mr. Angry” Ravenscroft and Chairman, Hywel “The Duke of Llanberis” Williams again failed to make an appearance and both are in danger of having their hello kitty bag tags withdrawn.

All members are reminded that the following rule for seniors now applies :-

Rule 1.a.5 A ball sliced or hooked into the rough shall be lifted and placed on the Fairway at a point equal to the distance it carried or rolled into the Rough with no penalty. The senior should not be penalized for tall grass which ground keepers failed to mow.

Signed

Hon Sec Happy Endings Golf Society

[fox]

Where do you play golf? When do you have the next turnir game?
Any joiner fee to your club? 

[Vombatus]

How do you qualify as a senior (and therefore eligible for Rule 1.a.5 ?

secondary question does the rule also apply to blocks, pulls and any type of shot ? (Not everyone can manufacture a hook or a slice - I am actually one of the fortunate ones who CAN achieve either).

[dimple joe]

We play 08.00 Tuesdays and Thursdays at Khao Kadong (Buriram Army Course)
No joining fee for the Society but a sense of humour is a must.
Serious golfers usually join us once and are rarely seen again.
Joining fee for Khao Kadong is I think 1800 Baht but no pressure to join, just pay and play.

You are not sure if you qualify as a Senior.......
This is a classic indicator along with creaking joints and an expanding waistline.
If still not sure ask your nurse or carer.

As well as rule Rule 1.a.5 previously mentioned, below are further additional rules for seniors

Rule 2.d.6 (B) A ball hitting a tree shall be deemed not to have hit the tree. This is Simply bad luck and luck has no place in a scientific game. The senior Player must estimate the distance the ball would have traveled if it had Not hit the tree and play the ball from there.

Rule 3.B.3(G) There shall be no such thing as a lost ball. The missing ball is on or Near the course and will eventually be found and pocketed by someone Else, making it a stolen ball. The player is not to compound the felony by Charging himself or herself with a penalty.

Rule 4.c.7(h) If a putt passes over a hole without dropping, it is deemed to have Dropped. The law of gravity supersedes the Rules of Golf.

Rule 5. Putts that stop close enough to the cup that they could be blown in, may Be blown in. This does not apply to balls more than three inches from the Hole. No one wants to make a travesty of the game.

Rule 6.a.9(k) There is no penalty for so-called "out of bounds." If penny-pinching golf Course owners bought sufficient land, this would not occur. The senior Golfer deserves an apology, not a penalty.

Rule 7..G.15(z) There is no penalty for a ball in a water hazard, as golf balls should Float. Senior golfers should not be penalized for manufacturers' Shortcomings.

Rule 8.k.9( S) Advertisements claim that golf scores can be improved by purchasing new Golf equipment. Since this is financially impractical for many senior Golfers, one-half stroke per hole may be subtracted for using old Equipment.

Signed

Hon Sec Happy Endings Golf Society

[Vombatus]

I think I love this golf society

[Admin]

PICTURES PLEASE!
 

[Dave the Dude]

As a non golfer, I have always thought the 'Happy Endings Golf Society' met in one of the bars in Baan Chang, Chonburi ?

[dimple joe]

Happy Endings Golf Society 17/02/2011

Combined Tuesday and Thursday results are

5th   His Grace “the Duke of Llanberis”
4th   â€œDangerous” Dave
3rd   â€œSpeedy Gonzales”
2nd   â€œShirt” Ribbins
1st   â€œThe slim good looking one”

The longest drive was won by Roger's guest Daisy who had driven all the way from Pattaya...

Nearest the Pin was not won this week so will roll over, although consideration is being given to changing this to nearest the fairway...

“Dangerous” Dave was awarded the Davy Crockett memorial hat, for most time in the woods...

“Speedy Gonzales” won the Titanic medal for his tremendous tee shot on the 6th which looked destined for the centre of the green, when it struck the dead tree top dead centre and disappeared into the rockery...

The Desert Rat medal and clasp was won by “the Shirt” for his extensive periods in the sand...

Man of the Match was his Grace the Duke of Llanberis, for battling on in difficult circumstances (no alcohol the previous evening) and for being such an absolutely bloody nice bloke...

Committee Ruling

“Dangerous” Dave's request for a free shot when he snapped his three iron upon hitting a tree on the third hole has been disallowed.

His claim that this was caused by terrorist activity has been fully investigated.

The committee ruled that the tree is an integral part of the course and there is no evidence to suggest that the IRA planted it.

Notes

Members are reminded that the golf and soapy massage trip to Korat is on Thursday 24th.

To ensure we present ourselves in a professional manner it is recommended that you re read the following chapters in the society handbook

Chapter 1 - How to Properly Line Up Your Fourth Putt
 
Chapter 2 - How to Hit a Maxfli from the Rough When You Just Hit a Titleist from the Tee
 
Chapter 3 - How to Avoid the Water When You Lie 8 in a Bunker
 
Chapter 9 - How to Find That Ball That Everyone Else Saw Go in the Water
 
Chapter 10- How to Relax When You Are Hitting Three off the Tee

Signed

Hon Sec Happy Endings Golf Society

[dimple joe]

HEGS – 22/02/2011

Results

1st   Brian – Speedy Gonzales - White
2nd   Roger – The Shirt – Ribbins
3rd   Frank – The slim good looking one – Barber
4th   Dangerous Dave Sabino
5th   Hywel – The Duke of Llanberis - Williams

A superb effort by Brian who's swing speed was reduced to a mere blur.

Today's game was in preparation for the upcoming “Classic in Korat”.

Members seemed to be determined to achieve an increase in their handicaps in an attempt to capture the ultimate accolade of “Champion Golfer”.

Such underhand tactics are to be applauded; it is most gratifying to see members upholding the finest traditions of the society.

Special mention should be made of His Grace's superb Ant dance on the 8th which was a big talking point among the caddies and seemed worthy of an appearance in “Speed” on Saturday night; although he probably would not be allowed to wave his 5 iron quite so frantically.

 
24/02/2011 – The Big One -

Attending members made it to Rook's at Korat in time to check in to a house in the grounds of the complex on Wednesday evening. The accommodation was fine apart from a non functioning shower plus an unfortunate incident with some curtains.

After fish and chips in the George & Dragon in town, we found ourselves - quite by accident - in “Ginza” which offered soapy massage and gentlemen's entertainment. Maybe it was the late hour, but most of the expected 150 lovelies were absent.

Disappointed, but confident in Dangerous Dave's lady finding abilities, we followed him to a nearby Karaoke..........

After breakfast in the Clubhouse we collected our lovely (for the most part) caddies and off we went around a really nice course.

Results

4th   Dangerous Dave Sabino
3rd   Speedy Gonzales Brian White
2nd   The Shirt Roger Ribbins
1st   The slim good looking one Frank Barber

The much maligned handicapping system was proven to be accurate as there was just one point between 1st and 2nd .

I've very few humorous incidents to report as I was almost totally occupied with watching the beautiful rear end of On, my caddie. The disappointment from the previous evening was having an effect on my concentration.

One sour note on an otherwise successful competition, our Captain and Chairman both failed to provide the Treasurer with funds to cover members food, beverage and entertainment as is the long held tradition of the Society.

Members have been watching the news and there have been murmurings of a demonstration a la Libya or Bahrain to oust our own cheapskate despots.

Signed

Hon Sec and Champion Golfer Happy Endings Golf Society

[Vombatus]

Excellent report Frank and well done on your achievement.  Some careful handicap management obviously took place over the last few months !

The only inconsistency in the report seems to be "the expected 150 lovelies...." in a place that you only found "quite by accident" !!!

[dimple joe]

well spotted Ray but we actually were looking for the "Babylon".......

[dimple joe]

Happy Endings Golf Society

Competition Results – 01/03/2011

1st           Brian “Speedy Gonzales” White
2nd           Frank “The slim good looking one” Barber
3rd           Roger “I got this shirt in Pattaya” Ribbins
4th           “Dangerous” Dave Sabino

Wow; a very tight match with just two points between 1st and 3rd  Well done to Speedy Gonzales.
It seems that Brian far prefers his golf at home in Khao Kradong to the greenery of Korat.
His spectacular tee shot on the fifth was a joy to watch.
Those expecting the ball to hit the tree or end in the sand were sadly disappointed as it flew majestically on to the green.
Others were surprised when his first putt finished so close to the hole. But everyone joined in the applause when he sank the second.

Dangerous Dave seemed out of sorts which probably was due to the caddy he had, who was not the prettiest we've seen.

Notices

An emergency AGM has been called for 03/03/2011 after the game, to discuss the lack of performance by both our Captain and Chairman. Nominees for these probably vacant positions should complete an application form and submit it with the appropriate donation.

Golf Tips

Golfers often find that fairway bunkers cause major problems in a round.

One of our senior members offers the following, known as the Ribbins Rescue Technique which may help in this difficult area.

See attached image.

However, great care should be taken not to touch the sand when effecting this technique as this would contravene the rules of golf and incur a penalty stroke!

Signed

Hon Sec and Champion Golfer HEGS

[Vombatus]

Is that a bunker or the surface of the moon ?

[dimple joe]

Ray, thank you for your enquiry, it is nice that you take such an interest and good that you want to improve your game.
The picture is of course in a bunker.
Had it been on the moon, with the lack of atmosphere and low gravity the trajectory of the ball would have been such that the bunkers would not be in play.
The formula is of course (x² plus 3gr-yclub/17.5nm) unless you are playing on the dark side and using luminous balls.
Talking of which has your infection cleared up yet?

[boloa]

Talking of  luminous balls Joe....Many years ago I used to play Golf  on a Sunday with 3 friends,sometimes our Tee off time was so early we had to play the first few holes in the dark.One Sunday morning I Teed off with my  luminous ball and hit a lovely drive down the centre of the fairway .As we walked up the fairway I noticed my ball was moving uphill towards the 18 th fairway  . A dog had picked up my ball and was running away with it  .Not sure what the rule book would say I just took out a new  luminous ball and played from roughly the same spot where the dog had picked up my ball ,the dog disappeared though a hole in the fence never to be seen again .
So Joe does the Happy Endings Golf Society have special rules if an old dog grabs your balls on the fairway