Ring any bells?

[Starman]

This discussion will certainly prevent the posting of any old jokes ! (555555555)

But I for one like the old jokes, and if you don't like them or already know them think about that maybe someone else doesn't know the joke !

Thx Urleft for posting this joke !!

The replies were intended as jokes too. That is the whole point. It's a shame some people end up with no toys in their pram.

[iammike]

This discussion will certainly prevent the posting of any old jokes ! (555555555)

But I for one like the old jokes, and if you don't like them or already know them think about that maybe someone else doesn't know the joke !

Thx Urleft for posting this joke !!

The replies were intended as jokes too. That is the whole point. It's a shame some people end up with no toys in their pram.

55555 @Starman.

The comments you sometime make !! GOLD !!

(I wish we had a Bow emoij oke well this must do

[Smithy]

Well Starman, why don't you show where I posted before

Comedy Gold  ......better than your Joke   

[Freddy]

FFS

[urleft]

FFS

Agree

[Gerry]

FFS

I agree too.

I'm trying to comprehend why some people can't laugh at themselves and instead try to instigate some kind of issue by accusing others of being the perpetrator by accusing them of something they did not do.

Fortunately I can see the funny side of this so there is a joke there.

[dundeemk6]

Even for the umptief time ... a joke always stays a joke ... some might have read/seen/heard the joke for the first time ...

[Bob]

At the battle:
Sir, we are surrounded!
- Fxxk you! Now we can attack in any direction!

[Bob]

https://youtu.be/8FpZ5iI__Ew

[Smithy]

 

[urleft]

On the first day, God created the dog and said: "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this I will give you a life span of twenty years."

The dog said, "That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?"

And God said that it was good.


On the second day, God created the monkey and said, "Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life span."


The monkey said, "Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the dog did?"


And God again said that it was good.


On the third day, God created the cow and said, "You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years."

The cow said "That's kind of hard to want me to live for sixty years. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?"

And God agreed it was good.


On the fourth day, God created humans and said, "Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years."


But the human said, "Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?"


"Okay," said God, "You asked for it."


So that is why for our first twenty years, we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years, we slave in the sun to support our family. For the next ten years, we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years, we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.


Life has now been explained to you.

There is no need to thank me for this valuable information. I'm doing it as a public service. If you are looking for me I will be on the front porch

[Smithy]

BREXIT explained   

[iammike]

God's plan for aging?

Most seniors never get enough exercise. In his wisdom God decreed that
seniors become forgetful so they would have to search for their
glasses, keys and other things thus doing more walking. And God looked
down and saw that it was good.

Then God saw there was another need. In his wisdom he made seniors
lose coordination so they would drop things requiring them to bend,
reach & stretch. And God looked down and saw that it was good.

Then God considered the function of bladders and decided seniors would
have additional calls of nature requiring more trips to the bathroom,
thus providing more exercise.  God looked down and saw that it was
good.

So if you find as you age, you are getting up and down more, remember
it's God's will. It is all in your best interest even though you
mutter under your breath.

Nine important facts to remember as we grow older:

#9  Death is the number 1 killer in the world.

#8  Life is sexually transmitted.

#7  Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can
die.

#6  Men have 2 motivations: hunger and hanky panky, and they can't
tell them  apart.  If you see a gleam in his eyes, make him a
sandwich.

#5  Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day. Teach a person
to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks, months, maybe
years unless you give them your email address.

#4  Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the
hospital, dying of nothing.

#3  All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no
attention to criticism.

#2  In the 60's, people took LSD to make the world weird. Now the
world is weird, and people take Prozac to make it normal.

#1  Life is like a jar of jalapeno peppers. What you do today may be a
burning issue tomorrow.

[iammike]

A female newscaster is interviewing the leader of a youth club:

Interviewer: "So, Mr. Jones, what are you going to do with these children on this adventure holiday?"

Mr. Jones: "We're going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery, and shooting."

Interviewer: "Shooting! That's a bit irresponsible, isn't it?"

Mr. Jones: "I don't see why, they'll be properly supervised on the range."

Interviewer: "Don't you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children?"

Mr. Jones: "I don't see how, we will be teaching them proper range discipline before they even touch a firearm."

Interviewer: "But you're equipping them to become violent killers."

Mr. Jones: "Well, you're equipped to be a prostitute but you're not one, are you?"