Ring any bells?

[TBWG]

A QUICK SELF TEST FOR THE SYMPTOMS OF ALZHEIMER’S!
 
Alzheimer's Test

How fast can you guess these words?
 
 

 

 



1.   F_ _K
2.   PU_S_
3.   S_X
4.   P_N_S 
5.   BOO_S
6.   _ _NDOM

 
Answers Below
 
 
 
 


Answers:




1. FORK
2. PULSE
3. SIX
4. PANTS
5. BOOKS
6. RANDOM
 

You got all 6 wrong....didn't you?

Well, you don't have Alzheimer’s, but
 
you may be a pervert!
 

[TBWG]

    After a long night of making love, the guy notices a photo of another man, on the woman's nightstand by the bed.
    He begins to worry.
    'Is this your husband?' he nervously asks.
    'No, silly,' she replies, snuggling up to him.
    'Your boyfriend, then?' he continues.
    'No, not at all,' she says, nibbling away at his ear.
    'Is it your dad or your brother?' he inquires, hoping to be reassured.
    'No, no, no! You are so hot when you're jealous!' she answers.
    'Well, who in the hell is he, then?' he demands.
    She whispers in his ear
    'That's me before the surgery.' ...

     

[TBWG]

AN IRISH BLONDE IN A CASINO

An attractive blonde from Cork, Ireland arrived at the casino. She
seemed a little intoxicated and bet twenty-thousand Euros on a single
Roll of the dice.

She said, 'I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm
completely nude'.

With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and with an
Irish brogue yelled, 'Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!'

As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and
squealed...'YES! YES! I WON, I WON!'

She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her
clothes and quickly departed.

The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded.

Finally, one of them asked, 'What did she roll?'

The other answered, 'I don't know - I thought you were watching.'

MORAL OF THE STORY -

Not all Irish are drunks,
not all blondes are dumb,
but all men...are men.

[TBWG]

Once upon a time there was a handsome Prince. The Prince asked a beautiful Princess,  "Will you marry me?"    The Princess said "NO."
 
And the Prince lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles and fucked skinny, big titted broads and hunted and raced cars and went to naked bars and dated women half his age and drank whiskey, beer and Captain Morgan and never heard bitching and never paid child support or alimony and ate pussies and ass fucked cheerleaders and kept his house and guns and never got cheated on while he was at work and all his friends and family thought he was fuckin cool as hell and had tons of money in the bank and left the toilet seat up …...... THE END.

[TBWG]

When Love Fades...
 
 
Last night I was sitting on the sofa watching TV when I heard my wife's lovely voice from the kitchen.
 
"What would you like for dinner my love. . . chicken, beef or lamb?"
 
I said, "Thank you sweetheart, I'll have chicken."
-

-

-

-

She replied "You're having soup. I was talking to the dog."

 

[TBWG]

A bloke's wife goes missing while diving off the West Australian coast.

        He reports the event, searches fruitlessly and spends a terrible night wondering what could have happened to her.
       
        Next morning, there's a knock at the door and he is confronted by a couple of policemen, the old Sarge and a younger Constable.
   
        The Sarge says; "Mate, we have some news for you... unfortunately, some really bad news.... but, some good news.... and maybe some more good news."
         
        "Well," says the bloke, "I guess I'd better have the bad news first?"         

        The Sarge says; 'I'm really sorry mate, but your wife is dead. Young Bill here found her lying at about five fathoms in a little cleft in the reef. He got a line around her and we pulled her up, but she was dead."
         
        The bloke is naturally pretty distressed to hear of this and has a bit of a turn.

        After a few minutes, he pulls himself together and asks what the good news is. 

        The Sarge says; "Well, when we got your wife up, there were quite a few really good sized crays and a swag of nice crabs attached to her.... so, we've brought you your share."

        He hands the bloke a bag with a couple of nice crays and four or five crabs in it.

        "Geez, thanks.... They're bloody beauties!! I guess it's an ill wind and all that... So, what's the other good news?"

        "Well," the Sarge says, "if you fancy the trip, me and young Bill here get off duty at around 11 o'clock and we're gonna shoot over there and pull her up again!"

[TBWG]

    Whether or not you are a country music fan, these are  truly the words of a deep thinker, and a highly  intelligent person.  So simple, yet so  profound!  Read the words of wisdom from  that famous philosopher Willie Nelson, iconic  country and western singer, on his 75th birthday . Only a man with  such wisdom and maturity could be so concise and  succinct in phrasing his feelings at this  turning point in his  life.

   
         "I've outlived my Dick."

     The Penis Poem
         My nookie days are over,
        My pilot light is out.
        What used to be my sex appeal,
        Is now my water spout.
        Time was when, on its own accord,
        From my trousers it would spring.
        But now I've got a full  time job,
        To find the f***in' thing.
         It used to be embarrassing,
        The way it would behave.
        For every single morning,
        It would stand and watch me shave.
         Now as old age approaches,
        It sure gives me the blues.
        To see it hang its little head,
        And watch me tie my shoes!

[TBWG]

Hippo Gag

https://mail.google.com/mail/?ui=2&ik=8fedb4054e&view=att&th=12f072110aa57e69&attid=0.3&disp=emb&realattid=14ef769fa910f71a_0.1.4&zw

[TBWG]

Great Balls of Fire!

https://mail.google.com/mail/?ui=2&ik=8fedb4054e&view=att&th=12f021925b6e2fa1&attid=0.1.3&disp=emb&zw

[TBWG]

Teatime Love bite!

https://mail.google.com/mail/?ui=2&ik=8fedb4054e&view=att&th=12f021925b6e2fa1&attid=0.1.2&disp=emb&zw

[Admin]

All latest links get 'server error'.
you gave us a link from your email server....its not possible to do if not login to your account.
I think you better copy/paste. 

[TBWG]

Hi Admin orig document will not allow cut & paste or copy!

TBWG

PS I will e mail you document titled news see if you have more success!

[Admin]

Hi Admin orig document will not allow cut & paste or copy!

TBWG

PS I will e mail you document titled news see if you have more success!

All you had to do is save the files (one by one) and upload to the forum.

[TBWG]

A Scottish Soldier in full dress uniform marched into a chemist shop.
Very carefully he opened his sporran and pulled out a neatly folded cotton bandana, unfolded it to reveal a smaller silk square handkerchief, which he also unfolded to reveal a condom.


The condom had a number of patches on it.

The chemist held it up and eyed it critically.

"How much to repair it?" The Scot asked the chemist.

"Six pence," said the chemist.

"How much for a new one?"

"Ten pence" said the chemist.

The Scot painstakingly folded the condom into the silk square handkerchief and the cotton bandana, replaced it carefully in his sporran and marched out of the door, shoulders back and kilt swinging.

A moment or two later the chemist heard a great shout go up outside.....

followed by an even greater shout.

The Scottish soldier marched back into the chemist and addressed the proprietor, this time with a grin on his face.

"The regiment has taken a vote," he said.

"We'll have a new one."

 

[TBWG]

Prostate Exam...Thai Style..

 

After experiencing the discomfort and embarrassment of a prostate test on the National Health Service,

a friend of mine decided to have his next test carried out while visiting in Thailand where the beautiful nurses are rather more gentle and accommodating.

As usual he was asked to strip off, he lay naked on his side on the bed and the nurse began the examination.

"At this stage of the procedure it's quite normal to get an erection" said the nurse.

"I haven't got an erection" said the man.

"No, but I have" replied the nurse.