Ring any bells?

[urleft]

The young American Indian boy had spent most of his life in a quandry... He felt different yet... couldn't figure why... he was just so depressed.

He went to the Chief for answers... He asked the chief how his brother Red Deer Running had gotten his name...The chief answered in his typically poetic way..."When Red Deer Running was born, at the moment of his birth, the first thing his mother saw was a beautiful deer running off into the forest... and so Running Deer was named. It is the custom of our tribe to name the offspring according to the spirits in nature visiting upon the birth.

"Then, the boy said to the Chief... And how did my sister "Thundering Bird" get her name? The chief described again, how at the moment of her birth Thundering Bird's mother had heard a roar of thunder and looking up, saw a bird flying in the sky...

The boy asked again, how his cousin "White Crouching Bear" had been given such a name... And the chief, looking down once more at the boy, explaining the traditions of their tribe.... White Bear's mother had seen a rare white bear crouched over a stream at the moment her baby's birth.

Then he asked the boy..."Why do you ask, Two Dogs Fcuking?"

[TBWG]

.

[dimple joe]

The young American Indian boy

His younger brother asked why he had been called "Thrush"?

His mum replied - because you're an irritating little bastard

[Speros]

GRANDMA'S RACY NEW PANTIES

An old woman buys herself some bright red crotch-less panties and goes home to surprise her husband.

When her husband comes home, she calls him into the bedroom and points to her new panties. "Hey old timer," she says, "come and get some of this!"

The old man says, "Hell no, woman. It done ate a hole in your drawers!"

[TBWG]

Hot and Cold Sex

After his exam the doctor asked the elderly man: "You appear to be in good health. Do you have any medical concerns you would like to ask me about?"

"In fact, I do," said the old man. "After I have sex I am usually cold and
Chilly, and then, after I have sex with her the second time, I am usually
Hot and sweaty."

Later, after examining his elderly wife, the doctor said: "Everything appears
To be fine. Do you have any medical concerns that you would like to discuss with me?" She replied that she had no questions or concerns.
The doctor then said to her: "Your husband had an unusual concern. He
Claims that he is usually cold and chilly after having sex with you the
First time, and then hot and sweaty after the second time. Do you know why?"

"Oh that crazy old x," she replied. "That's because the first time is
Usually in January and the second time is in August."




--

[TBWG]

I very quietly confided to my best friend that I was having an affair.
She turned to me and asked, 'Are you having it catered'?
And that, my friend, is the sad definition of 'OLD'!
------
Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked,
'How old was your husband?'  '98,' she replied: 'Two years older than me'
'So you're 96,' the undertaker commented.
She responded, 'Hardly worth going home, is it?'
 ------
An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her preacher she had two final requests.
First, she wanted to be cremated, and second,
she wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart.
'Wal-Mart?' the preacher exclaimed.
'Why Wal-Mart?'
'Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week'
 ------
THE SENILITY PRAYER :
Grant me the senility to forget the people
I never liked anyway,
the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and
the eyesight to tell the difference.
 

[TBWG]

HISTORY OF THE CAR RADIO


Seems like cars have always had radios, but they didn't. Here's the true story:


One evening, in 1929, two young men named William Lear and Elmer Wavering
drove their girlfriends to a lookout point high above the Mississippi River town of Quincy , Illinois ,
to watch the sunset (and do a little lip-locking). It was a romantic night to be sure, but one of the women observed that
it would be even nicer if they could listen to music in the car.

Lear and Wavering liked the idea. Both men had tinkered with radios (Lear had
served as a radio operator in the U.S. Navy during World War I)and it wasn't long before they were
 taking apart a home radio and trying to get it to work in a car.
 
But it wasn't as easy as it sounds: automobiles have ignition switches, generators,
spark plugs, and other electrical equipment that generate noisy static interference,
making it nearly impossible to listen to the radio when the engine was running.
 
One by one, Lear and Wavering identified and eliminated each source of electrical interference.
 
When they finally got their radio to work, they took it to a radio convention in Chicago .
 
There they met Paul Galvin, owner of Galvin Manufacturing Corporation.
He made a product called a "battery eliminator" a device that allowed
battery-powered radios to run on household AC current.
 
But as more homes were wired for electricity more radio manufacturers made AC-powered radios.
Galvin needed a new product to manufacture. When he met Lear and Wavering at the radio convention, he found it.
 
He believed that mass-produced, affordable car radios had the potential to become a huge business.

Lear and Wavering set up shop in Galvin's factory, and when they perfected their first radio,
they installed it in his Studebaker.
 
Then Galvin went to a local banker to apply for a loan. Thinking it might sweeten the
deal, he had his men install a radio in the banker's Packard.
 
Good idea, but it didn't work -- Half an hour after the installation, the banker's Packard
caught on fire. (They didn't get the loan.)
 
Galvin didn't give up.
He drove his Studebaker nearly 800 miles to Atlantic City to show off the radio at the
1930 Radio Manufacturers Association convention.
 
Too broke to afford a booth, he parked the car outside the convention hall and cranked up the radio so that
passing conventioneers could hear it.
 
That idea worked -- He got enough orders to put the radio into production.

WHAT'S IN A NAME

That first production model was called the 5T71.
 
Galvin decided he needed to come up with something a little catchier.
 
In those days many companies in the phonograph and radio businesses used the suffix "ola" for their names –
Radiola, Columbiola, and Victrola were three of the biggest. Galvin decided to do the same thing, and
since his radio was intended for use in a motor vehicle, he decided to call it the Motorola.
 

But even with the name change, the radio still had problems:
When Motorola went on sale in 1930, it cost about $110 uninstalled, at a time when you could buy a
brand-new car for $650, and the country was sliding into the Great Depression.
 
(By that measure, a radio for a new car would cost about $3,000 today.)
 
In 1930 it took two men several days to put in a carradio --
 
The dashboard had to be taken apart so that the receiver and a single speaker could be installed, and the ceiling had to be cut open to install the antenna.
These early radios ran on their own batteries, not on the car battery, so holes had to be cut into the floorboard to accommodate them.

The installation manual had eight complete diagrams and 28 pages of instructions.
 

Selling complicated car radios that cost 20 percent of the price of a brand-new car wouldn't have been easy in the best of
times, let alone during the Great Depression --

Galvin lost money in 1930 and struggled for a couple of years after that.
 
But things picked up in 1933 when Ford began offering Motorola's pre-installed at the factory.
 
In 1934 they got another boost when Galvin struck a deal with B.F. Goodrich tire company to sell and install them in its chain of tire stores.
By then the price of the radio, installation included, had dropped to $55. The Motorola car radio was off and running.
(The name of the company would be officially changed from Galvin Manufacturing to "Motorola" in 1947.)
 
In the meantime, Galvin continued to develop new uses for car radios.
 
In 1936, the same year that it introduced push-button tuning, it also introduced the Motorola Police Cruiser, a standard car radio that was factory
preset to a single frequency to pick up police broadcasts.
 
In 1940 he developed with the first handheld two-way radio -- The Handie-Talkie -- for the U. S. Army.

A lot of the communications technologies that we take for granted today were born in Motorola labs in the years that followed World War II.
 
In 1947 they came out with the first television to sell under $200.
 
In 1956 the company introduced the world's first pager; in 1969 it supplied the radio and television equipment that was used to televise
Neil Armstrong's first steps on the Moon.
 
In 1973 it invented the world's first handheld cellular phone.
 
Today Motorola is one of the largest cell phone manufacturer in the world --
 
And it all started with the car radio.

WHATEVER HAPPENED TO
 
The two men who installed the first radio in Paul Galvin's car, Elmer Wavering and William Lear, ended up taking very different paths in life.
 
Wavering stayed with Motorola. In the1950's he helped change the automobile experience again when he developed the first automotive
alternator, replacing inefficient and unreliable generators.
 
The invention lead to such luxuries as power windows, power seats, and,eventually, air-conditioning.

Lear also continued inventing.
 
He holds more than 150 patents. Remember eight-track tape players? Lear invented that.
 
But what he's really famous for are his contributions to the field of aviation.
 
He invented radio direction finders for planes, aided in the invention of the autopilot, designed the first fully automatic aircraft landing system,
and in 1963 introduced his most famous invention of all, the Lear Jet, the world's first mass-produced, affordable business jet.
 
(Not bad for a guy who dropped out of school after the eighth grade.)

Sometimes it is fun to find out how some of the many things that we take for granted actually came into being!
and
It all started with a woman's suggestion!

[TBWG]

Now this is pitiful, but it fits the mold, 
Ranks Right Up There.

I don't know whether to laugh or cry...

You, who worry about Democrats versus Republicans -- relax, here is our real
problem.

In a Purdue University classroom, they were discussing the qualifications to
be President of the United States .. It was pretty simple. The candidate
must be a natural born citizen of at least 35 years of age.

However, one girl in the class immediately started in on how unfair was the
requirement to be a natural born citizen. In short, her opinion was that
this requirement prevented many capable individuals from becoming president.


The class was taking it in and letting her rant, and not many jaws hit the
floor when she wrapped up her argument by stating, "What makes a natural
born citizen any more qualified to lead this country than one born by
C-section?"

Yep, these are the same kinds of 18-year-olds that are now voting in our
elections! They breed, and they walk among US...

Lord -- we need more help than we thought we did!

ABSOLUTELY FRIGHTENING!!!
 

[TBWG]

Subject: Being a dick
    1.
It ain't easy
being a dick      2.
I've got a head I
can't think with
   3.
An eye I can't
see out of      4.
I have to hang
around with two
nuts all the time
   5.
My closest neighbor
is a real asshole      6.
My best friend
is a pussy
   7.
and every time I get
excited I throw up!

[TBWG]

 
 
 
Doesn't the warmth and heart wrenching simplicity of Australian bush poetry bring a tear to the eye?

We are blessed to have such an abundant wealth of talented story tellers through whom future generations can learn of our history and 21st century lifestyle.

 

 

A Poem About Tomatoes

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I know a Muslim whose name is Jim,

I love throwing tomatoes at him,

Tomatoes are soft & don't hurt the skin,

But these  do, 'cos they're still in the tin !!!

 

[TBWG]

I get this poem every winter & every winter I love re-reading it.
It's a beautiful poem and very well written.


A poem by Abigail Elizabeth McIntyre

Shit
ITS COLD

The End.
 

[TBWG]

Son: “Dad we’re learning about prisms at school.They’re fascinating

Dad: “That’s good son, because as a dyslexic black boy, you’re bound to end up in one.”

 

Cyril Smith is accused of having abused kids throughout his career. Well I’m sorry, but if you couldn’t run faster than that fat bastard you deserved a good spanking!

 

Paddy decides to take up boxing and goes for the required medical. A few days later the doctor ‘phones and says “Paddy, you realise you’ve got sugar diabetes.”

Paddy says, “Nice one, when do I fight him?”

 

It was hard getting over my addiction to the Hokey Cokey. But I’ve turned myself around and that’s what it’s all about.

 

[TBWG]

 
In a convent in Ireland , the 98-year-old Mother Superior lay dying.The nuns gathered around her bed trying to make her last journey comfortable.

They tried giving her warm milk to drink but she refused it.

One of the nuns took the glass back to the kitchen. Then, remembering a bottle of Irish Whiskey that had been received as a gift the previous Christmas, she opened it and poured a generous amount into the warm milk.

Back at Mother Superior's bed, they held the glass to her lips.The frail nun drank a little, then a little more and before they knew it, she had finished the whole glass down to the last drop.

As her eyes brightened, the nuns thought it would be a good opportunity to have one last talk with their spiritual leader..

"Mother," the nuns asked earnestly,
"Please give us some of your wisdom before you leave us."

She raised herself up in bed on one elbow, looked at them and said: " "DON'T SELL THAT COW."
 
 
 
 

[Speros]

HOLE IN THE WALL

A man took a poop in a gas station and then realized there was no toilet paper. There was a hole in the wall and a sign above it that read: "When you go to the bathroom, wipe yourself with your index finger, stick it through this hole and it will be thoroughly cleaned."
The man did exactly what the sign said, but when he stuck his finger through the hole, someone at the other side slapped two bricks together against his finger and because of the pain he stuck his finger in his mouth and started to suck on it.

[Speros]

THE UNCONCERNED WIDOW

An old man and woman hate each other, but remain married for years. During their shouting fights, the old man constantly warns his wife, "If I die first, I will dig my way up and out of the grave to come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!"

One day, the man abruptly dies. After the burial, the wife goes straight to the local bar and begins to party. Her friends ask if she isn't worried about her husband digging himself out of the grave.

The wife smiles, "Let the old bugger dig. I had him buried upside down!"