Ring any bells?

[TBWG]

Check this out!

http://www.safeshare.tv/v/fJuNgBkloFE

[dundeemk6]

TBWG : that is really freeking me out ... this is what the future looks like : ignorance and plain stupidity ...

[Makman]

TBWG : that is really freeking me out ... this is what the future looks like : ignorance and plain stupidity ...

This is a video response to "Americans are NOT stupid"



and this one

[TBWG]

TODAY'S SMILE!


60th High School Reunion

He was a widower and she a widow.

They had known each other for a number of years being high school
classmates and having attended class reunions in the past without
fail.

This 60th anniversary of their class, the widower and the widow made
foursome with two other singles.

They had a wonderful evening, their spirits high.

The widower throwing admiring glances across the table. The widow
smiling coyly back at him.

Finally, he picked up courage to ask her, "Will you marry me?"

After about six seconds of careful consideration, she answered,
"Yes,..... Yes I will!"

The evening ended on a happy note for the widower. But the next
morning he was troubled.

Did she say "Yes" or did she say "No?"

He couldn't remember. Try as he would, he just could not recall.

He went over the conversation of the previous evening, but his mind was blank.

He remembered asking the question but for the life of him could not
recall her response. With fear and trepidation he picked up the phone
and called her.

First, he explained that he couldn't remember as well as he used to.
Then he reviewed the past evening.

As he gained a little more courage he then inquired of her.

"When I asked if you would marry me, did you say 'Yes' or did you say 'No'?"

"Why you silly man, I said 'Yes. Yes I will.' And I meant it with all my heart."

The widower was delighted. He felt his heart skip a beat.

Then she continued. "And I am so glad you called because I couldn't
remember who asked me!"
.

.

[urleft]

“Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn’t seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other man pulls out his phone and calls emergency services.

He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?” The operator, in a calm, soothing voice replies: “Take it easy. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”

Silence, then a shot is heard.

Back on the phone, the hunter says, “Ok, now what?”

[TBWG]

                 Daddy Longlegs from the eyes of a child! 

                Such a heartwarming story... Stories about children and their views of the world are always touching.

             

                    A father watched his young daughter playing in the garden. He smiled as he reflected on how sweet and pure his little girl was. Tears formed in his eyes as he thought about her seeing the wonders of nature through such innocent eyes. Suddenly she just stopped and stared at the ground.  He went over to her to see what work of God had captured her attention.

                     
                                     
                    He noticed she was looking at two spiders mating.
                     "Daddy, what are those two spiders doing ?" she asked.
                     "They're mating." her father replied.
                     "What do you call the spider on top ?" she asked.
                     "A Daddy Longlegs." her father answered.
                     "So, the other one is a Mommy Longlegs ?" the little girl asked.
                     As his heart soared with the joy of such a cute and innocent question he replied,
                    "No dear both of them are Daddy Longlegs."
                     
                    The little girl, looking a little puzzled thought for a moment,
                    then lifted her foot and stomped them flat.
                    "Well," she said, "that may be okay in San Francisco ,
                    but we're not having any of that shit in  Delaware ."

[urleft]

A guy does a California stop at a stop sign and is pulled over by a cop.

The cop says " I pulled you over for failing to do a full stop at that sign.

The guy says come on officer, I slowed down and it was clear

The cop say yeah you slowed down, but you didn't fully stop. That is against the law.

The guy says, slow down, stop its the same thing.

Then the cop pulls out his nightstick and starts beating the guy on the head and says,

"Do you want me to slow down or stop?"

[urleft]

A completely inebriated man walked into a bar and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated at the bar, walked over to her, placed his hand up her skirt and began fondling her lady bits.

She jumped up and slapped him silly.

He immediately apologised and explained "I'm sorry. I thought you were my wife. You look exactly like her".

"Why you drunken, worthless, insufferable asshole!" she screamed.

"Strange" he muttered "you even sound exactly like her!"

[TBWG]

ECONOMICS 101

 

        Eddie wanted desperately to have sex with this really cute, really hot girl in his office.... but she was dating someone else.

        One day Eddie got so frustrated that he went to her and said, "I'll give you a $100 if you let me have sex with you." The girl looked at him, then said, "NO."

        Eddie said, "I'll be real fast. I'll throw the money on the floor, you bend down, and I'll finish by the time you've picked it up."

        She thought for a moment and said that she would consult with her boyfriend.... so she called him and explained the situation.

        Her boyfriend says, "Ask him for $200, pick up the money really fast... he won't even be able to get his pants down." She agreed and accepts the proposal.

        Over half an hour goes by and the boyfriend is still waiting for his girlfriend's call. Finally, after 45 minutes the boyfriend calls and asks, "what happened....?"

        Still breathing hard, she managed to reply, "The bastard had all quarters!"

        Management Lesson:

        Always carefully consider a business proposition in it's entirety before agreeing to it and getting screwed!

[TBWG]

Lee Trevino: a true story, you have to love him.

 
One day, shortly after joining the PGA tour in 1965, Lee Trevino, a professional golfer and married man, was at his home in Dallas ,
Texas mowing his front lawn, as he always did.

A lady driving by in a big, shiny Cadillac stopped in front of his house,
lowered the window and asked,
" Excuse me, do you speak English ?"

Lee responded, " Yes Ma'am, I do "
The lady then asked, " What do you charge to do yard work? "

Lee said, " Well, the lady in this house lets me sleep with her ".

The lady hurriedly put the car into gear and sped off.

[TBWG]

A Minnesota farmer named Olie had a car accident. He was hit by a truck
owned by the Eversweet Company.

In court, the Eversweet Company's hot-shot attorney questioned him thus:
'Didn't you say to the state trooper
at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine?"

Olie responded: 'vell, I'lla tell you vat happened dere. I'd yust loaded my
fav'rit cow, Bessie, into da... '

'I didn't ask for any details', the lawyer interrupted. 'Just answer the
question. Did you not say, at the scene
of the accident, 'I'm fine!'?'

Olie said, 'vell, I'd yust got Bessie into da trailer and I vas drivin' down
da road.... '

The lawyer interrupted again and said, 'Your Honor, I am trying to establish
the fact that, at the scene of the
accident,
this man told the

police on the scene that he was fine. Now
several weeks after the accident, he is
trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply
answer the question. '

By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in Olie's answer and said to
the attorney: 'I'd like to hear what
he has to say about his favorite cow, Bessie'.

Olie said: 'Tank you' and proceeded. 'vell as I vas saying, I had yust
loaded Bessie, my fav'rit cow, into de
Trailer and was drivin' her down de road vin dis huge Eversweet truck and
trailer came tundering tru a stop
sign and hit me trailer right in da side by golly. I was trown into one
ditch and Bessie was trown into da udder
ditch.

By yimminy yahosaphat I vas hurt, purty durn bad, and didn't want to move.
An even vurse dan dat, I could
hear old Bessie a moanin' and a groanin'. I knew she vas in terrible pain
yust by her
groans.

Shortly

after da accident, a policeman on a motorbike turned up. He could
hear Bessie a moanin' and a
groanin' too, so he vent over to her. After he looked at her, and saw her
condition, he took out his
Gun and shot her right between the eyes.

Den da policeman came across de road, gun still in hand, looked at me, and
said, 'How are you feelin'?'

'Now wot da fock vud you say?'

[TBWG]

Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and
Family values.

Bill said, 'I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?'

Larry replied, 'I'm not sure, what was her maiden name?'

[TBWG]

IMPOSSIBILITIES IN THE WORLD
 
1. U can't count your hair
2. U can't wash your eyes with soap
3. U can't breathe when your tongue is out
 
Put your tongue back in fool.
 
10 Things I know about you...
 
1) U are reading this
2) U are human.
3) U can't say the letter ''P'' without separating your lips
4) U just attempted to do it
6) U are laughing at yourself
7) U have a smile on your face and you skipped No.5
U just checked to see if there is a No.5
9) U laugh at this because you are an idiot & everyone does it too.
10) U are probably going to send this to see who else falls for it
 

[TBWG]

A guy goes to the Post Office to apply for a job.
     
     The interviewer asks him, "Are you allergic to anything?"
      He replies, "Yes, caffeine. I can't drink coffee."
     
     "Ok, Have you ever been in the military service?"
      "Yes," he says, "I was in Iraq for one tour."
     
     The interviewer says, "That will give you
      5 extra points toward employment." Then he asks, "Are you disabled in
     any way?"
      The guy says, "Yes. A bomb exploded near me and I lost both my testicles."
     
     The interviewer grimaces and then says, "Okay. You've got enough points for me to hire   you right now. Our  normal hours are from 8:00 am to 4:00 pm. You can start tomorrow at  10:00 am, and plan on starting at 10:00 am every day."

      The guy is puzzled and asks, "If the work hours are from 8:00 am to 4:00 PM, why don't you want me here until 10:00 am?"
     
     "This is a government job", the interviewer says. "For the first two hours, we just stand around  drinking coffee and scratching our balls. No point in you coming in for that."

 

[TBWG]

> ABSOLUTELY POLITICALLY INCORRECT, but funny.....
>
>
>
> Police in London have found a bomb outside a mosque...
> They've told the public not to panic as they've managed to push it inside.
>
>
> During last night's high winds an African family were killed by a falling tree.
> A spokesman for the Birmingham City council said "We didn't even know
> they were living up there".
>
>
> Jamaican minorities in the UK have complained that there are not
> enough television shows with minorities in mind, so Crimewatch is
> being shown 5 times a week now.
>
>
> I was reading in the paper today about this dwarf that got
> pick-pocketed. How could anyone stoop so low.
>
>
> I was walking down the road when I saw an Afghan bloke standing on a
> fifth floor balcony shaking a carpet. I shouted up to him, "What's up
> Abdul, won't it start?"