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[TBWG]

Hi All

Subject: The Decision


A man wakes up in the hospital bandaged from head to foot. The doctor comes in and says, "Ah, I see you've regained consciousness. Now you probably won't remember, but you  were in a huge pile-up on the freeway.  You're going to be ok, you'll walk again and everything, but your penis was severed in the accident and we couldn't find it." 
       
  The man groans, but the doctor goes on, "You've got $9000 in insurance compensation coming and we now have the technology to build a new penis. They work great but they don't come cheap. It's roughly $1000 an inch." 
       
  The man perks up. "So," the doctor says,"You must decide how many inches you want. But I understand that you have been married for over thirty years and this is something you should discuss with your wife.. If you had a five incher before and get a nine incher now she might be a bit put out. If you had a nine incher before and you decide to only invest in a five incher now, she might be disappointed. It's important that she plays a role in helping you make a decision." 
       
  The man agrees to talk it over with his wife. The doctor comes back the next day, "So, have you spoken with your wife?" 
       
 "Yes I have," says the man. 
       
 "And has she helped you make a decision?" 
       
 "Yes" says the man. 
       
 "What is your decision?" asks the doctor. 
       



 "We're getting granite countertops."


TBWG

[TBWG]

Brilliant

last one was the best

This is bound to offend someone!

In  South Sydney, a fire destroyed a multi story block of flats. A Polynesian family of six con artists  lived on the first floor, and
all six died in the fire.
 
An Islamic  group of seven Pakistani welfare cheats, all illegally  in the country, lived on the second floor, and they,  too, all perished in
the fire.

Six Maori ex-cons lived on the 3rd  floor and they too, died.
 
Four Aboriginal families in the 2  flats on the 4th floor also perished.
 
One white couple lived on  the top floor. They survived.

Relatives of the deceased  and local do-gooders were furious. They flew into Sydney and quickly demanded a meeting with  the fire chief.
 
On camera, they loudly demanded to know why  the Islanders, Muslims, Maoris and Aboriginals all died in the fire and only  the white couple
survived.
 
The fire chief quietly replied,  "They were both at work."   


TBWG

[TBWG]

Another one for you bums ~~~~~


Five rules for men to follow for a happy life:

1. It's important to have a woman who helps at home, who cooks from time to time, cleans up and has a job.

2. It's important to have a woman who can make you laugh.

3. It's important to have a woman who you can trust and who doesn't lie to you.

4. It's important to have a woman who is good in bed and who likes to be with you.


5. It's very, very important that these four women do not know each other.


TBWG

[swimming pizza]

All The Guys on This Side

A guy walks into a bar. He's a rather large, menacing chap. He chugs back a beer and says, "All the guys on this side of the bar are cocksuckers! Anyone got a problem with that?"

Everyone is understandably silent.

He then, chugs back another beer and says, "All the guys on the other side of the bar are motherfuckers! Anyone got a problem with that?"

Everyone is silent, again.

Then one man gets up from his stool and starts to walk toward the man.

"You got a problem, buddy?"

No, I'm just on the wrong side of the bar!"

[TBWG]

A man met a beautiful blonde lady and decided he wanted to marry her right away.

She said, 'But we don't know anything about each other.'

He said, 'That's all right, we'll learn about each other as we go along.'

So she consented, they were married, and off they went on a honeymoon at a very nice resort.

One morning they were lying by the pool, when he got up off of his towel, climbed up to the 10 metre board and did a two and a half tuck, followed by three rotations in the pike position, at which point he straightened out and cut the water like a knife.

After a few more demonstrations, he came back and lay down on the towel.

She said, 'That was incredible!'

He said, 'I used to be an Olympic diving champion. You see, I told you we'd learn more about each other as we went along.'

So she got up, jumped in the pool and started doing lengths.

After seventy-five lengths she climbed out of the pool, lay down on her towel and was hardly out of breath.

He said, 'That was incredible! Were you an Olympic endurance swimmer?'

'No,' she said, 'I was a prostitute in Liverpool but I worked both sides of the Mersey.


TBWG

[Admin]

great joke!!