Girl friend in Khu Muang

[Carlo1973]

Hello everyone!

Sorry for my bad English! Hoping that it is understandable what I write!

I never planned to to have Thai woman as a "girlfriend", but out of some very strange circumstances I now have a very cute girlfriend closed to  Khu Muang for about 4 weeks. Well, actually I am a little overextended with the whole situation as I never thought about it!

She is 5 years younger than me - I'm 36 -. So it's about the right age and has a daughter of almost 4. According to what she tells me, her "Mama and Papa" are not that poor. Papa is now retired and must be something like a teacher before. They have a nice house of stone and she has a car for herself. I write that, because I learnt in meantime, that Thaiwoman are just out for money. Her daughter already go to a kind of school. Her English knowledge is so so - at least worse than my bad knowledge! She speaks quite well and also understands the most I say, but she doesn't write any Emails. I don't know why.

Before she "divorced" she lived in Bangkok and had an office job at a car manufacturer. She told me, that she found her husband with an other woman in bed. That's why she decided to go back to her parents. But she was already pregnant. He doesn't know about his daughter.

Well, I'm very much in love with her, but I think I would feel much better, If I knew that she is just out for money in real. Than I could end that up. In meantime I trust her that it is not (at least not the money alone) together with me because of that. Sorry it is still difficult for me to call a woman "girlfriend" who is 11.000 km away!!! It just feels very unreal altthough we have SMS, Email and telephone calls almost every day since I fly home from Bangkok.

I'm now planning to visit her in March for 2 or 2 weeks. I do have so many questions. Maybe you can be so kind and answer one or two of them:

- Does she really love me or is it just the "money" she want?
- Any ideas for gifts for her, her daughter, Mama and Papa and her 3 brothers?
- What do I have to await when I will stay in Khu Muang? Would it be better to take a hotel or should I take the invitation to sleep in the house? By the way she is very proud that she has her own room and her Father already bought an aircon because of me. She also told me that in meantime she owns the house, because her father donated to her. Does his father just think, that it is a good invest? I don't know. Maybe I just read too much nonsens in the I-net.
- Can there really be a future for us? And if yes, would it be easier, if I learnt Thai and look for a job in Thailand, there might be a possibility as I work for Siemens and there seems to be a branch in Bangkok, but I did not apply for a job so far, or would it be easier, if she will come with her daughter to Germany?
- If she will ask for money - and she surely will - how I can best transfer the money and how much, if I decide that I want to of course? Moneybrookers, Western union?
- I wonder how open she speaks about things I would not tell right away.
- Any idea which way of calling her is cheap from Germany? Right now I use Skye.

You see I'm very confused with the whole situation. My brain tells me I should immediately end up as there will be no real future, but my heart tells me no, you can't as we are made for each other. 

Any hints and tips are very welcome! Maybe anyone likes to meet me when I will be in Buriram? I'm sure I am not the first one who writes a story like this in this forum.

Many thanks for your help!

Carlo

[pbee]

Carlo,congratulations on two counts.Firstly on meeting someone who makes you feel the way you do. Secondly for posting on this site, as opposed to other more aggressive sites which seem to used mainly by sex tourists and men who would have problems with a relationship with any female whatsoever. They would slaughter you with their replies.
      The only advice I will give about money is do not spend more than you can afford to loose. All you have said about your girl sounds good. You seem to be a responsible man and are going into this with open eyes.Unless you see her again you will never know. You will have to go with the flow and access the situation. Only you know your circumstances and your feelings,so its up to you to decide. As for presents I don't know,but don't buy gold in Germany.Only Thai gold is acceptable to any girl,as for her brothers I wouldn't buy them anything. One step at a time my friend. Best of luck,maybe see you in Buriram next Christmas.

[dave the dude]

Carlo,congratulations on two counts.Firstly on meeting someone who makes you feel the way you do. Secondly for posting on this site, as opposed to other more aggressive sites which seem to used mainly by sex tourists and men who would have problems with a relationship with any female whatsoever. They would slaughter you with their replies.
      The only advice I will give about money is do not spend more than you can afford to loose. All you have said about your girl sounds good. You seem to be a responsible man and are going into this with open eyes.Unless you see her again you will never know. You will have to go with the flow and access the situation. Only you know your circumstances and your feelings,so its up to you to decide. As for presents I don't know,but don't buy gold in Germany.Only Thai gold is acceptable to any girl,as for her brothers I wouldn't buy them anything. One step at a time my friend. Best of luck,maybe see you in Buriram next Christmas.

All good advice from pbee and although I have many comments, the main one i'd recommend (assuming you can read English OK) is to get a copy of 'Thailand Fever' by Chris Pirazzi & Vitida Vasant.
Its a good book about the differences in Western/Thai relationships.

I found it interesting about 6 years ago and I am still very happy to be here in Thailand

Dave

[nookiebear]

 Hello Carlo,The advice that has been given should be taken on board.
At the end of the day it will solely be down to you.I don't think that only knowing the girl for 4 weeks is anywhere near long enough to start contemplating where your future lies.You will only find out by visiting 'her' home what the situation really is like.I don't want to knock you down but Thai ladies are very good at fabricating their stories.Just curious,,,,,,,where did you meet her???
A few of the things you have stated which she has told you don't really seem to add up,all I will say take care ,don't  run before you can walk,& keep your eyes & ears wide open.Happy New Year ........
                                      Paul

[TBWG]

Hi Carlo

Some good advice offered in above replies.  You could walk away now and wonder for the rest of your life ... what if. 

As mentioned only spend what you can afford to lose! So take it slowly and see how things progress.

Irregardless of your relationship for me UK/Europe is in a bad way, I feel I am far better off in this part of the world anyway!

TBWG

[Lourens]

Two other things you mentioned also deserves more attention:
1) Learn Thai and
2) get a job in Thailand.
The first one is easy as you can do it anywhere (not that learning Thai is easy!).
The second one is more difficult but it will give you the opportunity to spend a whole lot more time with your lady and get to know her much better.
Also remember this: You never only support the woman and her child - you will support the whole family. But as mentioned by a previous poster, take it easy at first and don't go buying gifts for all.
You might regret it later when they come to expect you to buy them things everytime you are around.
I bumped my head in several instances but I'm still here after 13 years and very happily married.
Good luck!

[Carlo1973]

Hi all,

Thanks for all the replies and advices! I think I will just see how everything will move and fly to Buriram in March and than see what will happen.

Carlo

[nookiebear]

Hi all,

Thanks for all the replies and advices! I think I will just see how everything will move and fly to Buriram in March and than see what will happen.

Carlo

Best of luck,I hope things turn out to be as you  expected................

[Bigbus]

I agree could advise....take it slowly at the pace you want.....Time will only tell. Good luck......

[roger]

Hello everyone!

Sorry for my bad English! Hoping that it is understandable what I write!

I never planned to to have Thai woman as a "girlfriend", but out of some very strange circumstances I now have a very cute girlfriend closed to  Khu Muang for about 4 weeks. Well, actually I am a little overextended with the whole situation as I never thought about it!

She is 5 years younger than me - I'm 36 -. So it's about the right age and has a daughter of almost 4. According to what she tells me, her "Mama and Papa" are not that poor. Papa is now retired and must be something like a teacher before. They have a nice house of stone and she has a car for herself. I write that, because I learnt in meantime, that Thaiwoman are just out for money. Her daughter already go to a kind of school. Her English knowledge is so so - at least worse than my bad knowledge! She speaks quite well and also understands the most I say, but she doesn't write any Emails. I don't know why.

Before she "divorced" she lived in Bangkok and had an office job at a car manufacturer. She told me, that she found her husband with an other woman in bed. That's why she decided to go back to her parents. But she was already pregnant. He doesn't know about his daughter.

Well, I'm very much in love with her, but I think I would feel much better, If I knew that she is just out for money in real. Than I could end that up. In meantime I trust her that it is not (at least not the money alone) together with me because of that. Sorry it is still difficult for me to call a woman "girlfriend" who is 11.000 km away!!! It just feels very unreal altthough we have SMS, Email and telephone calls almost every day since I fly home from Bangkok.

I'm now planning to visit her in March for 2 or 2 weeks. I do have so many questions. Maybe you can be so kind and answer one or two of them:

- Does she really love me or is it just the "money" she want?
- Any ideas for gifts for her, her daughter, Mama and Papa and her 3 brothers?
- What do I have to await when I will stay in Khu Muang? Would it be better to take a hotel or should I take the invitation to sleep in the house? By the way she is very proud that she has her own room and her Father already bought an aircon because of me. She also told me that in meantime she owns the house, because her father donated to her. Does his father just think, that it is a good invest? I don't know. Maybe I just read too much nonsens in the I-net.
- Can there really be a future for us? And if yes, would it be easier, if I learnt Thai and look for a job in Thailand, there might be a possibility as I work for Siemens and there seems to be a branch in Bangkok, but I did not apply for a job so far, or would it be easier, if she will come with her daughter to Germany?
- If she will ask for money - and she surely will - how I can best transfer the money and how much, if I decide that I want to of course? Moneybrookers, Western union?
- I wonder how open she speaks about things I would not tell right away.
- Any idea which way of calling her is cheap from Germany? Right now I use Skye.

You see I'm very confused with the whole situation. My brain tells me I should immediately end up as there will be no real future, but my heart tells me no, you can't as we are made for each other. 

Any hints and tips are very welcome! Maybe anyone likes to meet me when I will be in Buriram? I'm sure I am not the first one who writes a story like this in this forum.

Many thanks for your help!

Carlo

hi carlo i found my self in the same situation 2008/2009/ i asked the same questions to this forum, and had much the same replyes, from my own experiancies age is not a factor in thai western relationships, the fact is that most are poor and only wont to better there life and the lives of there familys.I my self decided to follow my heart strings and go with it. i meet the family december 2009, her mother and grandmother were happy for me and surat to get engaged ,her farther came from korat, we got engaged 13 december 2009. common sence is the real answer. i agree with the quote only spend what you can afford to loose. roger

[Don Ho]

Wonder if Carlo will drop back in to let everyone know how it went?

[Lourens]

Wonder if Carlo will drop back in to let everyone know how it went?

I've just shaken my ball and it says: "Highly Unlikely"

[nookiebear]

Wonder if Carlo will drop back in to let everyone know how it went?

I've just shaken my ball and it says: "Highly Unlikely"

Give the guy a chance!!!!

[Carlo1973]

Hi,

You are right! I owe you the current status.

I actually try to forget her. I read a lot in meantime and also spoke about it to people who are married with a Thai woman. Well, the very most relationships will break after a certain period. The differences in culture, language and not last climate is just too difficult. Not even thought about the laws for immigration in Germany are very hard in meantime and also expensive. A friend told me he paid about 15.000,- all togher.

I will not be able to find an appropriate job in Thailand. Niang, told me that all is not a problem.

I can come and visit her on my holydays and when I retire I can stay with her. I am now 37! 30 years are a very long time and I can't stand to see her just twice a year for a kind of holyday. Even the feeling that will occur when I have to go back - that's simply impossible to me!!

She try to call me about twice a week. I ignore it. From time to time she writes SMS. Sometime in weak moments I answer via SMS and afterwards I always feel guilty. That I still can not forget her on the one hand and that I am much to week just to look for someone new in Germany. I found out in meantime that I still have chances to women in my area. But that is all not the same. It seems as something magical is around her what makes me a prisoner.

Now in October I will have holydays for 4 weeks. I'm planning to make a round trip through Thailand. I also want to see Buriram, but I am not at all sure, if I want to see her again. I of course want on the one hand but I have fear of what will happen afterwards. What, if she just nothing more that a bargirl and I am her no. 243 who send her money.

It all is still very confusing. But in the meantime I am the lord of my own thoughts again. That already helps a lot.

Very sentimental ha!

Cheers

[Lourens]

Well Carlo, it was good to read your current status and I'm sorry it didn't work out for you. But better safe than sorry I always say. It is better to be able to keep an eye out at first before committing to something. I've heard a few horror stories before. You're still young - give it time and enjoy your holidays in Thailand. Maybe later you can settle down and join us expat gits for a cup of tea and a few biscuits.