BEIJING OLYMPIC 2008!!!

[TBWG]

Hi

Having just watched the the opening ceremony for the Olympics I have decided that forum members should have the benefit of my heroic sporting achievements whilst in Thailand .. So watch this space for details of my superhuman efforts, which will follow shortly.

Now I can't wait for the Olympics in the UK whose planned opening ceremony is said to be quite sensational  I have connections in high places and I can let you into a few secrets as to what can be expected.

Suffice is to say that it will involve George Galloway in his famous leotard, the Dagenham girl pipers and 6 packs of sparklers. Sorry no fireworks due to health and safety regs.  Can't wait

TBWG 

[Admin]

Schedules and Results : http://results.beijing2008.cn/WRM/ENG/Schedule/index.shtml

Expecting to hear our professional Isaan reviewers here !!! 

MY review until now that the thai group didn't smiled enought apart from 1 nice lady in the group..
 



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[TBWG]

Schedules and Results : http://results.beijing2008.cn/WRM/ENG/Schedule/index.shtml

Expecting to hear our professional Isaan reviewers here !!! 

MY review until now that the thai group didn't smiled enought apart from 1 nice lady in the group..
 

The Jordanian Girlie looked 


TBWG

[TBWG]

As promised details of my superhuman achievements....................

Chapter 33 vol nine. act 1  (Boat races)

Whilst browsing the internet I came across a post looking for victims, sorry volunteers for Satuk Boat races. The idea being to fill up 2 of the 7seater boats with farangs to put on a race so that the Thais could witness our utter humiliation for their entertainment.

Now bearing in mind that the boss lady thinks I am retarded and have no sense or imagination I replied to the post saying that if needed I was available providing I could sit down in the boat and not kneel, that would be a real no-no as my knees are well past their sell by date.

They replied saying that you sit down and all were welcome and that he had pledges to almost fill 2 boats, what I did not realize was that he was press ganging farangs in the local market and anyone with a pulse was considered fair game!

The 2 teams were to be sponsored by Meuanfun Resort and Satuk Floating Restaurant, now bearing in mind I only live about 200 meters from the floating restaurant and in my time must have consumed my own weight in prawns and enough Chang to float a dragon boat I felt that they deserved my best efforts.

So a couple of days before the start of practice a meeting was arranged to discuss our tactics, This consisted of the organiser (Arthur) a fit looking young Frenchman and myself and Peter a German guy, neither of us in our first flush of youth! Hardly the 14 needed to fill 2 boats. Still Arthur was relaxed he knew of lots of able bodied farangs coming from Pattaya and the restaurant had 3 definites, it was agreed that we would all meet at the Chinese Temple (good omen) by the river at 11.00am to start 2 days of practice. So now down to the important bit, arranging for the cheerleaders and groupies. Now Arthur was rather vague in this area but assured me they would be plentiful!

What I should point out at this stage is that to say I am a weak swimmer is an understatement, but what the heck in the years of watching dragon boats I have never seen one sink so no problem there. By now the farang race team rumours have got back to the boss lady who mentioned in passing that surely nobody was stupid enough to do that sort of thing, Oh dear!

Well it is 11.00am on the Thursday I am at the Chinese Temple and there is a distinct lack of farangs. The 3 definites from the restaurant are no shows, but there is Arthur, Peter & myself, the fit young French guy has clearly had second thoughts, but then they all start to drift in a couple of Americans, Rex & Walter. Lars a fit looking Norwegian and another Brit Alan. Well at least we can fill 1 boat!

The obvious should now be pointed out the average Thai guy probably has a waist of 28” and weighs under 70 kilos. The archetypal farang is 100 kilos plus and a darn sight more than 28” waist. Now these boats have about 2” freeboard (that’s the distance between the water and the top off the boat for any landlubbers out there) so (a) we can only sit in the widest part of the boat (middle) and (b) get seven farangs in it and the only place you are going is under!

So luckily the lack of bodies is no problem, however the lack of boats is! Apparently we are borrowing other team’s boats and have to fit in around their schedules, they are looking rather apprehensive and I suspect regretting being so generous. We now stand around for 3 hours waiting for the opportunity to show off!

The boats are now available and we fit in 4 farangs, a keen sense of balance is a great help something which we seem to be lacking. Anyway the crew make up for any lack of skill with enthusiasm and push of with gusto only to go 3 meters and sink! It is at this point that I am beginning to have second thoughts and am truly grateful for the Thai size life jacket that I have just about managed to squeeze into. Still at least the water is warm!

Right so down to 3 farangs and a more cautious start, this time 6 meters before we go under, humm the prospects are not looking good! So now we put a Thai in to steer and give us some guidance as we obviously need it. Well, gently does it and we eventually get a rhythm going and actually complete the course to much applause and abuse from the Thai crowds who have all come to see the suicidal farangs. Well now comes the difficult bit turning the boat and paddling against the current, by no stretch of the imagination are we in control and are struggling to make headway, our erratic path takes us in amongst the trees which are partially submerged due to the flooding and this is where we run aground! Still at least this gives us a breather as the Thai guy jumps out and hauls us back into deeper water, all that remains to be done now is get back across the river without capsizing which at this point is several hundred meters wide. Well we made it and that must have been the longest half mile ever and I am absolutely bu****ed.

The other team are now looking rather worried but with the benefit of watching our mistakes manage a trouble free run but have taken on rather a lot of water. Everybody is now fit to drop so we agree to meet again at 9.00 the next day for more desperately needed practice. Time to adjourn to the beer tent! Later a visit to the local Thai massage establishment is needed to get my limbs back into working order.

Well more exciting bits to follow in the next installment :ph34r:

Let's have a bit of a response from all those lurkers out there ..come on you must do something other than sitting around drinkking beer and watching women?
 

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[Admin]

The official Beijing Olympic 2008 website !!!

http://en.beijing2008.cn/

Competition information:Schedules & Results:

http://results.beijing2008.cn/WRM/ENG/Schedule/index.shtml

WOW !!! Shooting Golden Girl !! thats my girl ! ! ! 



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[Admin]

The Ukrain athlet 403 was ...ummm.... 

Reviewing the athletic groups I couldn't missed that in each group have sub-category of girlie's:

Some athletic girls will make between session to session happy dance,some naughty dance,menly motions,and some will just do nothing.

 

[TBWG]

Wait no longer  .... more details of heroic deeds 

.Boat races Act II

Oh dear, the boss lady has got to hear about my nautical exploits and am I in for an ear bashing! But what’s this she is grinning from ear to ear! Great merit for the family I am only local farang in races and bring great honour on the family. So for once I have done something right despite the fact that I might drown!

So its 9 o’clock the next day and we are ready for action trouble is it’s the opening ceremony and we don’t see any boats for about 3 hours, still we are being watered and fed and gawped at by curious Thais.

Well to cut things short it has been decided that we will have 3 farangs in each boat and a Thai each end to steer and guide us to make sure that we go in the right general direction as this has previously proved to be a problem.

I am paired with my previous team mates Lars & Peter and we manage a confident trouble free run down the length of the course aided by a strong current! Now we have to turn and come back, sufficient to say we made hard work of turning and managed to sink again but close to the bank. With the boat full of water it proves impossible to turn over and empty it out, so we have to bail it out, lots of Thaïs appear with bowls and we are soon on the move again, albeit rather wetter! We now have to paddle back up the course against the current and in front of several thousand spectators and jeez it is exhausting, once again I am absolutely bu****ed by the time we get back.

The other team Arthur, Alan & Rex seem to have a trouble free but exhausting run and I put their lack of sinking down to Arthur’s boating experience, he having made the 4 seater canoe that is to be used to transport the local mayor on raceday!

Well we are all knackered and now adjourn to the floating restaurant for beer rations and distribution of team outfits, and agree to meet tomorrow race day at 10.00am for the big event.

Race day dawns fairly breezy and the current seems stronger, there are also spectators as far as the eye can see and are viewing from every vantage point. All the farang team members have turned up looking somewhat apprehensive, but rather professional in our team outfits!

Eventually our turn to be the star attraction arrives and we have to position ourselves for the start. Easier said than done! Somehow we have been maneuvered away from the bank not good with our record of capsizing! Anyway we seem to foul it up and both teams have to go around again, this in itself is tiring and we are past our best by the time we get the gun for the OFF.

It is worth mentioning that unbeknown to us a local Thai speaking American has been coerced into commentating for this cultural highlight of the weekend, however his knowledge of operating sound systems must leave a lot to be desired, as at this crucial point he manages to short the entire electrical system. Which as we were later to find out had far reaching consequences.

Anyway the race is off to a steady start and aided by the current we pick up a fair amount of speed and begin to dig a bit deeper and up the stroke rate as our confidence builds, rather than being a farcical event we actually achieved quite a good time and were very well matched and won by the narrowest of margins about 1 foot over half mile. Now we had to go back to whence we came, exhausted and against the current that was one hell of a long hard slog but the cheers of the spectators kept you going. But we were all absolutely drained upon our return.

It now seemed a bit odd that they would not let us get out of the boats and it was at this point that they told us we had to DO IT AGAIN! Due to the sound system failure, do these people have any idea what physical torture us top athletes have to endure for our sport?

Well it appears that no one was going to be the first to say I can’t do it, so after a Red Bull it was off to the start line. This time we got it right first go and were OFF again, current plus adrenalin got us up to speed again and this time we could hear the commentator whipping up the crowd to a frenzy, we managed to pull out half a length on the Meuanfun Resort team but they were closing us down as we had peaked to early, however we managed to hold them off and eventually won by a few meters.

Victory obviously gives you strength as we managed to turn the boat without problem despite the fact that 3 of those big 40 seater jobs sank there during the day whilst trying to turn.

Now the horrifying journey back, but wait! We are all getting out at the Mayors sala for various introductions and photo shoots with all the local big shots. Several hundred pictures later we are whisked off still minus our footwear in a Limo to the presentation lunch  on our sponsors floating restaurant. Large amounts of draught Chang  are freely available during the presentation ceremony and we are photographed with the governor of Buriram being awarded certificates for our endeavors. Finally after a big blowout lunch we are reacquainted with our shoes!

At this point I am so exhausted I am glad that Arthur overlooked the arrangements for the groupies and cheerleaders!

God I love Thailand!



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[TBWG]

Prapawadee Jaroenrattanatarakoon of Thailand reacts while holding up a new Olympic record lift of 126 kilograms in clean and jerk, to win the gold medal of the women's 53 kg category of the weightlifting competition at the Beijing 2008 Olympics in Beijing, Sunday. Aug. 10, 2008.
Associated Press


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[TBWG]

Not sure this can be classed as a sporting event ...but I need something to pad this out as I am running out of ideas. As far as I am concerned the sweat and effort that went into the ride deserve a gold medal. Or even better a bottle of beer so all you fans feel free to leave a bottle of Archa (paid for) in the fridge at Red Ribbon and I'll consume it on my return in October.

Chapter 32 vol six. act VI

Join us on our Sunday bike ride was casually dropped into the conversation whilst having a few beers with some farang buddies. We just have a slow tour of the local villages stopping for a beer now and again, Hmm, why not I can use my stepsons bike and the exercise will do me good.

So in anticipation I started using stepson’s bike for local trips to get used to a zillion gears and a saddle that at a push you could use to shave with, but at least it has some suspension on it which is more than can be said for my trusty sit up and beg Mary Poppins job.

After a few days I am quietly confident as I begin to rack up the kilometers and feel all the better for it despite the saddle!

So it’s eleven o’clock on Sunday morning and my 2 buddies turn up and ask the boss lady if I can come out to play.

Now this was pretty good timing as she was just about to loose it in a big way over my inability to open a rice sack without resorting to a pair of scissors. Didn’t I know that it ruins the bag and I can’t use it for storing more bags in… Huh?!… Even little kids know just to pull that elusive string and hey presto open sesame! Now it’s not for the want of trying but whichever string I pull the same result ….nothing happens. Every time I go to the rice shop I ask the attractive teenage girls to give me advice on which one to pull, string that is and they can’t understand my inability to grasp such a simple task.

The boss lady now jumps at the opportunity of seeing the back of her retarded farang husband for a few hours and positively pushes me out of the gate. So far so good! out with a few mates the opportunity for a beer or 2 and the chance to annoy a few unsuspecting local’s. What more could one ask.

Off we set at a fairly brisk pace to skirt the local lakes which just happen to have a nice selection of bars scattered round them. It appears that they already have a method of picking which bar to frequent i.e. the one with the most numerous attractive teenage girls in, now you can’t argue with that.

It was half way through my beer that It came out in conversation that the previous Sunday they had covered 70 odd kilometers! However this week nothing like that was envisaged as one of their wives had suggested a circular route that would eventually bring us back onto the main road leading to town. (It transpires that the wives often suggested routes so that they could come out and check up on them mid afternoon). This had the effect of them riding off in the opposite direction!

But today we would take up their suggestion, so off we set further round the lakes, I should have suspected something when we had to cross some sort of concrete dyke but the water was only about 10 inches deep and thankfully warm! The so called farm track that we where supposed to follow was initially just that but after a few kilometers it petered out a bit and had an occasional hole big enough to swallow a small Volkswagen. We also came across the odd local who looked on in bewilderment at the sight of 3 farangs on bikes miles from anywhere some of them were gesticulating and shouting encouragement.

The ground now had a black crust on it and had obviously been underwater in the wet season and smelt none to pleasant but at least you could ride on it without too much difficulty, which is more than can be said for the sand which soon replaced it. Well now it was get off and push time but with know obvious direction to take, it was decided to send someone onto high ground on foot to scan the area. Bearing in mind that high ground was only about 1 foot higher this did nothing but confirm that we where lost with no obvious way forward. We now agreed that the only way forward was back, huh? and that the locals we had passed where not shouting encouragement but more along the lines of where do you daft buggers think your going.

So after 18 kms and the best part of 2 hours we are nearly back where we started, I am already knackered and it is bloody hot but at least the next beer is not too far away. They ask if I am alright and I say no problem (male ego getting the better of commonsense) So over the next beer we decide to stick to a well travelled route and was I up for it? No problem mate (male ego getting…etc).

Off we go again but this time on proper roads and at a reasonable speed, now one of the bikes has a gizmo on it that tells you how far you have gone, average speed, top speed and how many calories burnt off …fortunately it does not tell you how many you have put on due to beer consumption. We pass lots of locals in the fields who all shout greetings and the Thai equivalent of “Where you go” to which we are obliged to reply and wave.

Now I am beginning to lag a bit and my legs are feeling second hand but I refuse to admit it and focus on the next beer stop. As no attractive teenage girls are at this stop the conversation turns to how much slower they are this week averaging only 13km per hour rather than the usual 18 odd and was I still OK, no problem says I. (male ego getting…etc).

Off we go again and to save this getting repetitive I’ll miss out the next couple of beer stops suffice to say that by now I am absolutely shagged, my arse is red raw I’m fairly pissed and my legs are under someone else’s control cause they are certainly not doing what my brain is telling them too! On top of that because of my slow pace nightfall is now rapidly approaching and we are still some 10kms from home with no lights!!

We decide to make for one of their house’s which happens to be 5kms nearer, do I want him to phone his wife and get her to pick me up on the motorsai. No way I might be only semi conscious but I am determined to go the distance. (male ego getting…etc).

Well that last 5 kms was tough going, the locals now shouting encouragement as I wandered all over the road where greeted by me with a get stuffed or silence. Sheer bloody mindedness got me the last few kms where I then reluctantly agreed that it was not sensible for me to ride any further due to lack of lights.

So 7 hours and 55.4 kms later at an average 13 odd kms per hour I finally arrive home on the back of a strange females motorsai only to be greeted by the boss lady who was organizing a family search party to go out and find her stupid farang husband!

I then vaguely recall getting one hell of an earbashing, but quite frankly I could not care less I just wanted a shower and my bed, the last thing I recall before drifting off into a blissful 15 hour sleep was that neither of my so called mates had even broken into a sweat despite one of them being considerably older than me!

Buddha I luv Thailand


What's the matter with all you shy lurkers, I know that my achievements are hard to surpass but why don't you give it a try or at least congratulate me on what a splendid chap I am

[dave the dude]

congratulations, what a splendid chap you are TBWsore bum.

Now thats got that out of the way, I must say you have guts to try to undertake such a long ride in Thai heat. I enjoy the (now) occasional bike ride thru the paddy fields but find it hard to cope with the heat. Perhaps its because I dont go past any watering-holes? Like you mentioned, I get very friendly waves and 'hello's from all the locals that look (& Laugh) at me. I see next to no cars which is nice but my only fear is the constant battle to get away from the wild(ish) dogs.

I will start to go into training (thats cycling and beer drinking) prior to your return and maybe I could come over sometime so you can show me all the bars and Girlies, whilst the wives think we are getting good exercise.
 
Dave 

[Admin]

Olympics: Bolt and Powell sparkle as Gay crashes out

Jamaica's 100 metres world record holder Usain Bolt reached the Olympic final here on Saturday with a stunning time of 9.85 seconds - just one hundreth of a second outside 1996 champion Donovan Bailey's Games record.

http://sify.com/sports/olympics/olympicsfullstory.php?id=MDgwODE2MTMwNzA0LmEyYTA1dzZzLnR4dA==

[Admin]

EIGHT FOR PHELPS

8 times olympic gold medallist !!!

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/08/17/sports/olympics/17swim.html?ref=sports

 

[TBWG]

Hi Sports Fans tired2


Well I must say I am pleased that my superhuman sporting efforts seem to have inspired Team GB.  I humbly suggest that my exploits on the water and on two wheels have inspired all the rowers and riders to a higher level resulting in a shed load of medals.

However modesty means that I shall stay in the background whilst they bathe in glory!

Now if a few weeks ago you had suggested that at this stage we (the Brits) would be in  3rd place in the medal table, I would have questioned you grasp on reality and suspected that you had been at the funny fags again!

It just goes to show what a stunning effect my example has had on the entire GB team.

Fellow Brits please feel free to show your appreciation of my contribution by leaving bottles of Archa (paid for) at Red Ribbon.

Modest TBWG

PS: Now I will have to concentrate on track and field where we seem to be lacking!

[swimming pizza]

I'm afraid there won't be any bottles of Archa (paid for) at Red Ribbon as the rumers saying chris left the so called ' kap'
maybe went back to his old place,who knows.

[TBWG]

I'm afraid there won't be any bottles of Archa (paid for) at Red Ribbon as the rumers saying chris left the so called ' kap'
maybe went back to his old place,who knows.

Hi Swimming Pizza


Well that would be a disaster if Chris did not resurface, Bearing in mind I put my sporting prowess down to the fact that I train exclusively on his Steak & Kidney pie's and apple slice in addition to Archa.

Further to my possible involvement in track & field, I am now considering training for the Hop, Skip and Jump although the thought of having half a kilo of sand forced up my jacksy if I land badly is causing me some concern!

TBWG