A Naive Expat in Thailand

[dave the dude]

Hi BB

What I have found is that if you have a lot of clutter around the grounds then it will attract all sorts of livestock who want to make it their home!

The odd rate snake which is quite harmless and shy will keep vermin down ~~~ as for a cat they need feeding and a lot of looking after in this climate so I prefer the snake option.

TBWG

My Thai relatives and neighbours tend to keep the snake/rat/bird population down around my home! 

[den Buut]

The lawn looks great, how often you have to mow it ?

[TBWG]

The lawn looks great, how often you have to mow it ?

The Malaysia grass lawn gets mowed every 3-4 weeks, it likes a lot of water and does best shade.


TBWG

[TBWG]

Things for Brits to ponder on ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~




    Let's put the seniors in jail and the criminals in a nursing home.  This way the seniors would have access to showers, hobbies and walks.   
    They'd receive unlimited free prescriptions, dental and medical treatment, wheel chairs etc and they'd receive money instead of paying it out.
    They would have constant video monitoring, so they could be helped instantly, if they fell, or needed assistance.
    Bedding would be washed twice a week, and all clothing would be ironed and returned to them. A guard would check on them every 20   minutes and bring their meals and snacks to their cell.   
    They would have family visits in a suite built for that purpose.
    They would have access to a library, weight room, spiritual counseling, pool and education.
    Simple clothing, shoes, slippers, PJ's and legal aid would be free, on request.
    Private, secure rooms for all, with an  exercise outdoor yard, with  gardens.
    Each senior could have a PC a TV radio and daily phone calls.
    There would be a board of directors to hear complaints, and the guards would have a code of conduct that would be strictly adhered to.

    The "criminals" would get cold food, be left all alone and unsupervised.
    Lights off at 8pm, and showers once a week.
    Live in a tiny room and pay up to £900.00 per week (and possibly more) with no hope of ever getting out.   
    Justice for all we say.
     
    Think about this (more points of contention): 
    ------------------------------------------------------------------------
    COWS
    Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that during the mad cow epidemic our government could track a
    single cow, born in Bourne almost three years ago, right to the stall where she slept in the county of Lincolnshire?
    And, they even tracked her calves to their stalls.
    But they are unable to locate 125,000 illegal immigrants wandering around our country. Maybe we should give each of them a cow.
    ------------------------------------------------------------------------
     
    THE BRITISH CONSTITUTION
     
    They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq ...
    Why don't we just give them ours? It was drawn up by a lot of really smart guys, it has worked for centuries and we're not using it anymore.
     
    ------------------------------------------------------------------------
     
    THE 10 COMMANDMENTS
     
    The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments posted in a courthouse or Parliament, is this -
    You cannot post 'Thou Shalt Not Steal', 'Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery' and 'Thou Shall Not Lie' in a building full of lawyers, judges and politicians ..... It creates a hostile work environment.
     
    ------------------------------------------------------------------------


Now you know 1 of the reasons why you are in Thailand!


TBWG

[freshy]

  I just wanted to express one's opinion.
I'm a resident in Buriram, I'm impressed to see foreigners unite to build up the expats community which it's a part that helping the buriram province as known to the people more than before. ( Isaan go Inter!!,lol)   

[TBWG]

Hi Bums


Arjarn Ungrit

I am constantly told by people who know or think they know, that the Thai education system sucks and pupils are taught by rote and not encouraged to think for themselves or ask questions!

Must admit that my encounters with the system left me with the feeling that it left a lot to be desired.

Well I recently had a visit from an old school friend who is a teacher in the UK and we came to the conclusion that although we only had a secondary modern education in hindsight it was a b****y good one.

He went on to explain that the system in the UK has deteriorated so much that it now only turns out 4 x 4's  Huh! what are they doing building cars at school?  No it transpires that a 4 x 4 is a young single mum with four kids by four different fathers!!

He also says calling the morning register is beset with problems, poorly educated, dyslexic parents who think it is fashionable to name their offspring after 'C' list celebrities and sports heroes have great difficulty spelling the names correctly on the birth certificates, so the kids go through life with names like Jasyn and Destyneigh. Oh dear!

So maybe Thai education system is not so bad after all!


TBWG

[Esco]

So maybe Thai education system is not so bad after all!

Let me start off by thanking you for an excellent thread sir. 

Regarding the Thai education system; I told my Thai missus the other week that I need to go to the San Francisco for work next month. Now this is obviously a long flight from Amsterdam and when I told her that I wasnt looking forward spending half a day on a plane again she asked me 'but is Amerikaaaaa not in Eulop?' I was absolutely baffled but it made complete sense when she told me that in school they were taught that Thailand is the centre of the universe with a couple neighbouring countries around it.

The Thai (Isaan) education system is simply proper shite.

[TBWG]

So maybe Thai education system is not so bad after all!

Let me start off by thanking you for an excellent thread sir. 

Regarding the Thai education system; I told my Thai missus the other week that I need to go to the San Francisco for work next month. Now this is obviously a long flight from Amsterdam and when I told her that I wasnt looking forward spending half a day on a plane again she asked me 'but is Amerikaaaaa not in Eulop?' I was absolutely baffled but it made complete sense when she told me that in school they were taught that Thailand is the centre of the universe with a couple neighbouring countries around it.

The Thai (Isaan) education system is simply proper shite.

Hi Esco

Thanks for the complimentary comments.

Afraid if it does not involve food then Thais just do not seem interested.

The Boss Lady who has a university degree is also ignorant about world geography, and even more worrying is not in the least bit interested in learning!


TBWG 

PS:   Welcome to the forum!

[Dave the Dude]

The Boss Lady who has a university degree is also ignorant about world geography, and even more worrying is not in the least bit interested in learning!


TBWG 

PS:   Welcome to the forum!

She is not alone David, my wife is the same.

I am sure if I went to the trouble and cost of taking her to London, all she would do is go shopping for handbags and shoes. Thats why we remain firmly here with occasional visits to BKK/Pattaya & other places.

[maraudingscot]

 

Maybe the education authority of Thailand could do a world map showing "FOOD" from every country!

[TBWG]

Doggy Fashion


Recently whilst having a pleasant lunch  with a few friends, we had to witness some impromptu entertainment that was definitely not on the managements agenda, or if it was we were not charged for it!

It did however get me thinking about the phrase "doggy style".

Anyway to set the scene a large mangy mongrel was hanging around the restaurant presumably in the hope of getting some scraps. However he was promptly sent on his way, only to suddenly reappear with his little girlfriend in tow, when I say little I mean about a third his size.

He now proceeded to do what only dogs can do. i.e. mount his little bitch in public in broad daylight and without any fear of reprisals from the authorities, he did get a bowl full of water for his troubles from the restaurant staff but this did not dampen his ardour.

Now being a middle class UK lad opportunities for watching dogs shagging were few and far between in my neck of the woods so I assumed doggy style was in fact doggy style! But no these two were now locked ar*e to ar*e together, the little bitch barely touching the ground.

Now for humans to engage in such an act would necessitate the male being hung like a donkey with a universal joint in the middle of his todger (so from now on I think I will call it horsey fashion).

Well to get back to the dog coupling, apart from being chased by the staff two other dogs appear on the scene trying to get in on the action, this results in some serious skirmishing between all 3 male dogs, all the while the little bitch is attached to her partners nether regions and is either being swung around in ever decreasing arc's or bounced around like a ball under the flailing dogs.

I now assume that the mangy dog decides that possession is 99% of the law and takes off at speed dragging his little bitch along backwards behind him with feet occasionally touching the ground.

All of this to applause from the diners and relief from restaurant staff.

Don't you just love Thailand!


TBWG

Don't phone your vet in the middle of the night!


An elderly spinster who was a dog lover agreed to look after and house her neighbour's dog whilst the neighbours went on their holidays.The only problem was that the spinster's own dog was a bitch that was on 'heat' and the neighbour's dog was a male. Nevertheless she had a large house and she was able to keep the two dogs apart.

As she lay in her bed drifting off to sleep the spinster was suddenly awakened by an awful howling and moaning sound from downstairs. She rushed downstairs to find the dogs locked together, as dogs do when mating.The dogs were in obvious pain howling but unable to disengage. Try as she might she could not part them and she was perplexed as what to do next.

Though it was late she reluctantly phoned the vet and after a few rings the rather grumpy voice of the vet answered the phone.
The spinster explained the problem, and the vet said: "I want you to take the phone to the dogs and place it down alongside them.  I will then phone your number back and the noise of the telephone ringing should make the male dog lose his erection and be able to withdraw from the bitch."

"Oh," said the spinster, "do you think that will work?"

"Well," the vet replied, "IT JUST WORKED ON ME !!!!!!"

 


TBWG

[TBWG]

Bureaucracy don't you just love it....... NO !!!!

But I am enjoying your narrative trials and tribulations with the young fellows application

Well for my old mate Somnat, here is the concluding post!



Part IV



The Boss Lady now informs me that she and Turbo will stay in Bangkok for a few days to look for a dress for her to wear at the wedding. (The cost of this bloody wedding is fast mounting up).

I just want to get out of the place so will get a bus from Mo Chit to home ASAP. The Boss lady accompanies me to Mo Chit as I am incapable of buying a bus ticket unaided. It's about 3pm there is a bus at 6 o'clock but it stops everywhere and I am advised to go for the 8.30pm VIP (That over used phrase again) bus. This is sold out, thinking back this should have started alarm bells ringing,  but never mind there is one at 9pm and I am given a choice of seats via the computer screen and opt for 3A So 6 hours to kill! I lost count of how many
doughnuts and coffees I consumed in Dunkin Donuts and daren't ever venture back there as I think the Katoey on the till thinks I was hanging around cos I fancied him!

I foolishly thought that as the bus is scheduled for 9.00 pm that it would be there for boarding prior to that time, so ventured down to the station area about 30 minutes early. Jeez I have never seen so many people in such a small area in all my life, what it is like at Songkran does not bear thinking about! I then have a brain x, it's Friday 30th April surely the Thais don't celebrate May day. I should know better the country with the most public holidays in the world? Thailand! Any excuse for a beer up and party! They are all going home for the weekend . Well less than 30 mins and I'm on my way....err NO.

To cut a long story short we finally leave at 11.00pm the bus guy is getting peeved with me asking every 30 mins is this it? but then he only has himself to blame he has told me many times over the last 2 hours that its next bus or in 5 minutes! When I finally board the bus a pock marked surly youth is sitting in yes you guessed it 3A. Now no big deal BUT why ask me what seat I would like and enter it in computer, print a card with it on if you just sit anywhere. So I point out he is in my seat and make him move to 3B he promptly goes to sleep and lolls all over me with various body parts. Still I need not have worried as this situation was not to last long.

Upon leaving Mo Chit we head off in an unexpected direction, but what do I know I am only a Farang, maybe everyone else knew but not speaking the lingo I assume the late arrival was due to some mechanical problem, anyway we now go down completely unfamiliar roads and very narrow sois where we finish up in the Bus depot. All change, judging by the bemused expression on a lot of faces they had no idea what was going on either.

I board new bus only to find pock marked surly youth in my seat again, make him move. This time however a lot of passengers are demanding their correct seats so its like musical chairs , I am now joined by a much more amenable youth so no problems there.

It's now past midnight so I must have dropped off whilst we retraced our route and made our way out of Bangkok. For those of you unfamiliar with the route it involves going through Saraburi (spl) and onto Khorat. This part of the route is quite hilly with some steep inclines to be negotiated, this has the effect of reducing the speed of those heavily laden double trucks to a snails pace, this is not normally a problem, but with the sheer amount of traffic this has caused a tremendous tail back. Don't know how long I slept but when I woke we were already in the jam which then lasted at least 20 kms before clearing itself. During this jam most of the Thais were fast asleep including the amenable youth who was now talking animatedly in his sleep, he was also grinding his teeth really hard and loud so much so that I thought he might do himself some harm, what with the driver grinding the gears every time he downshifted on the hills it was getting quite musical.

What was now pi**ng me off was all the pickups driving up the inside and then forcing their way back in lane every time they encountered a parked or abandoned lorry of which there were many. They invariably had a lot of Thais laying in the back and consuming beer and having a good time which rubbed salt in the wound. I must have now dropped off again as I was then awoken by the sound of rain pi**ing down, think the pickup Thais not quite so smug now!

Whilst we passed through this traffic mayhem I thought it ironic that I had not seen 1 police car or officer. Even the middle of road police stations were lit but devoid of life. Now I think those police stations are a good idea...... quick access either way in event of an emergency surprised they have not appeared in UK.


Well I eventually arrived home at 7 am, and I suppose the moral is being a cheap Charlie bit me in the arse, I should have coughed up for a taxi. Also NEVER NEVER EVER go by bus again from Mo Chit.

Don't you just love Thailand



TBWG   
 

Time warp forward 6 months and ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



Well the time of the wedding is rapidly approaching and my stepson and a Thai niece arrive at Gatwick courtesy of Qatar Airways for the big event.

The interweb say it is going to touchdown early so I get there in plenty of time. I have done enough pontificating about getting the visa so expect it to be plain sailing through immigration with the "Full Monty" of pukka visas and documentation ~~ err no!

Well the plane may have landed early, but it then sits on the tarmac for another hour before they can actually disembark. Once they get to the immigration then starts what can only be described as the Spanish Inquisition revisited. This takes the form of an interrogation for about 1 hour. It is obvious where we have gone wrong, they have the correct visas and my wife has a UK passport so her son is automatically entitled to join her irrespective of any other circumstances, they have a place to stay, they are not entitled to any benefits, no problem I have already stated many times we will support them whilst here and they also have return tickets.

Now had they been Albanian Roma arriving with 10 dependent children as well as elderly parents, they would immediately be given accommodation, health care and handouts totaling thousands per week. Why bother to do everything properly?

Well at least the new coalition government seems to be coming to grips with this, but is does seem that they pick on easy targets and conveniently avoid difficult situations.

Well after 21/2 hours they are eventually allowed through to be greeted by the wonderful UK weather...... it is cold p***ing down and grey.

So straight to bed to sleep it off ...........................To be continued!     


TBWG   

[TBWG]

Cont...............................................................

Now what am we going to do to occupy them for a couple of weeks? Well for first day it's get measured for Turbos wedding penguin suit! then it's eat, sleep, talk ~~~ sleep, eat, talk ~~~ sleep, talk, eat!

But the weather improves a bit so it's a trip to the local town so they can rummage through the charity shops (Boss Ladies favourite pastime) whilst I read the paper and have a cappuccino,  this combined with a visit to the local park and a fish & chip dinner manages to take a whole day and gives them plenty to talk about.

To be continued ................................


TBWG

[attachment deleted by admin]

[TBWG]

Hi Blog fans

I should know better!  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Well the Thai wedding contingent have arrived like a plague of locusts, eating anything that is not screwed down.

Foolishly I suggested we all go to Tesco for a weekly shop, forgetting that there is a bloody good reason why they all shop 3 times a day back in Satuk.

Well I finish up with an overloaded trolley full of all manner of things which I would not normally purchase, but which they wish to try as part of the cultural English experience, no problem there, after all they do not come to the UK often.

However before we have even finished unloading the car they are starting to eat! Well at least it saves putting the groceries away!

Now I know that the concept of delayed gratification is a definite no-no for Thai's, but at least lets get the food in the house before they start to tuck in to Blackberries, ice cream and chillies and salt?

Turbo tucks straight into a fruit trifle complete with custard and cream as an appetiser to his somtam, omelette and other Thai dishes which are immediately being prepared, all whilst I am still trying to unload the car and pack other stuff away. Really a waste of time as they embark on a mission to consume the entire weeks groceries in one sitting. Oh dear.  I won't make that mistake again!

All this is only the prelude to our meal a few hours later which is booked at a local French restaurant!

I just hope that they will all still fit their clothes as I have no wish to buy them larger outfits!

Well the wedding is now just 2 days away so how can I occupy them whilst not eating, which in truth is not long!

To be cont..........................................
 

[Admin]

hehehe. today you write very funny, I think you should keep your credit card on 'ready position' till they go...... what did they purchased that no have in Thailand? snacks or food? like.... Have they tried blue cheese there or what? Outside of Thailand there are so many kinds of cheese many Thai people are not aware of, Cheese in Thailand is expensive, maybe they should try it in England.

Or better yet, Black pudding, REAL fish & chips and real English pie. 

I don't want to take too much of your time, you might be in preparation for another shopping extaza trip with the kids...........!!!